COUNTING DOWN!

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COUNTDOWN!

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Just Few More Days, I Can Do It!

This week is going to be a slow one at work. Simply because this week is Chinese New Year. The year of the dogs. Which means most of Asia dogs takes the week off or more. (I know I will).........

Umm, well that was a bad start!! I admit I cannot blog about anything today, because it's just a few days left from Chinese New Year and I've already eaten one box of Mandarin oranges, half of the tities bits and various types of kacang which is sitting in my office and at home. I am so gonna get a sore throat. I already have had several visits to the shithole. This is not good. I cannot blog. I still wanna give scissor leg kick like Jet Li. I have had too much sugar already and I'm feeling like a tub of lard. Well there goes my new years' resolution. Anyhow I ain't gonna give up on my abdominal 6 packs.

Oh dear my fingers are starting to get itchy too, it's a seasonal thing. The moment i hear craak craak sound! Damit where are the Mah Jongs! Where are the Chor Tai Di, where are the Wan Lups? Sigh, super sieness.

At least on the brightside, my footie Man Utd beat Liverpool 1-0 from their 12 game unbeatten record. "Put your hands up in the air put your hands up in the air". woot woot!

Midlife Crisis or is it Blooming?

I was out with a group of my closest brothers last nite and they have mentioned me the word 'Midlife Crisis'. What a phrase! Why do they call it a crisis? Haha I'm 29 years old but I prefer to call it a midlife blooming. I'm old enough to realize that I should have been taking life a lot less seriously than I have been over the last 3 decades. What a shame that I don't learn that sooner. No one is complaining so I don't see why I should call it a crisis. But, if people are going to accuse me of that, why not go all the way? So my plans are, I decided to come home with a Wife. That clinches it! Hehe

How should i put this? Well let's see maybe it should sound like you're buying a car. She's in excellent condition, performance tops, nice curvey body, smooth skin like leather, sharp, fun to shag..　Ｉ mean 'be with'. Hmmm I'm sounding old, I'm finding myself saying things like "come home before 12am" sometimes. Anyhow I like this one and I'm gonna buy it!!

A friend of mine told me that a midlife crisis is just the time that you decide it's worth it to pause and remind yourself that you're still alive. That's a good way to put it. I have so much that's serious in my life. Every day that I'm breathing and my loved one are breathing, well, that's a great day. I see so much sadness in the past, but it can be so beautiful now. It's been a beautiful experience and it's changed my life for the better.

I've learned just last nite that beautiful things can grow out of really big piles of shit that you went through for years. That's what shit does best. It make beautiful things grow hahahha. We can't always see the beauty through the crap, but it's there, just around the corner. We can either go down the path cursing 'mch/ccb/pyt' and screaming or we can dance. I choose to dance. I like to dance, I'm born to dance, I live to dance and I hope you do, too.

YYUuuuuuuuuuummmmmm Seeeennnnnnnngggggg!!

Clubbing NO NOs

Never mix Beer, Whisky, Sake, Bak Kut Teh and Wet Cats. You'll never know what you gonna get yourself into.

The "J" Pop with "J" Look

I had lunch at this new F&B in Puchong. As I was casually walking towards the restaurant, something just flew by infront of me in a flash. It looked like it has bright yellow hair, pinkish greenish top with sparkling beads, white knee length socks with pink stripes at the ankle and a pair of ninja like shoes. Yes, I've encounted the abominal J-LOOK. I looked back as i was walking away but something caught my attention, beautiful posters, beautiful posters with pretty Japanese anime.

I was reading at the papers the other day and came across this section about a huge number of Malaysian get addicted to J-Pop culture and here I am standing outside this J-Bookstore. The urge was strong with me, i need to check what this is all about. I push the door, sounded like 7-Eleven. There was a handful of people in here, as i was strolling down this isle a section of the rack amuses me. I pick up a book from the shelf, it's all in mandarin but in J-Anime. Strangely enough the shelves says ladies Comics "Redikomi".

Then the shopkeeper came over and he told me what I'm holding is a very rare book. I asked why since I haven't seen the content yet. He said to me, its a "rape type". He continued saying "these aren't like any guys comics, where the woman is violated. Usually they involve a story where a woman is caught up in some situation where somebody is virtually force having sex with her but she pretends to resist."

I don't know why but for 5 mins I felt like I was being cornered. Then he continued telling me that "these sections are the S&M stories." I jokingly said 'SailorMoon'? He quickly answered with a smirk on his face, "the use of sex toys and blindfolding or binding the hands and legs." I gulp and I want out. As he was picking up books and showing it to me and now he said "you have the incest types." Then he goes on giving me examples again "they often tell the story of a married woman falling for stepbrothers or brothers-in-law."

I managed to escape when the wall of shelves has ran out but with a side effect, a mild erection.

I really wish that you see what I saw but the best i can share with you are from the examples below. It's very mild but picture it wet with panting and sweating. Enjoy.

.

Violence Againts Women!

.....

New J-Look

Violence Againts Man
(Give it to me Babee!!)

Holding Hentai Anime
(She's Addicted, self induced S&M)

Picture of the Day!

I'm just too busy this few days. Business has been kind to me last year and therefore I've made changes to myself with an extra hardworking attitude for this whole month. So, when February comes, I can return to being lazy and enjoy life. Feed me grapes...


Anyway, with time not on my side the only quickie thing i can do to keep my blog up to date are with some quickie witty pictures. No, not the picture of my arm pitz, so no worries but here we go.






New technology on SRS Airbag (Airbag implants)

Terms People Use In Me Blog

There are numerous complaints about readers vormitting and fainting due to my recent post and have requested me to remove that particular photo. The verdict will be, NO. The photo stays.

Reason?

There is just too many terms use in my tagboard and I have been getting alot of them lately. I have taken time to summarized them so that readers will know what they are expose to so here it is.

WARNING THIS WEBSITE CONTAINS:

WTF - What the F**K

FU - F**K You

MSG - Mono Sodium Glutamate

LOL - Hahahaha/hehehe

Hahaha/Hehehe - LOL

Argh - Pirates

BJ - BlowJob (Fellatio)

(_(_)====D~~~~ - Penis cumming

Biatch - A French word for Hornyness

Nutz - Non Essential Madness

OMG - He's cumming

OMFG - She's cumming

I have given ample warnings now, so you decide whether to read my blog or not. No matter what, the below hairy picture stays.

Buzi Beezee Busy

I have been so tired lately. Hectic days at work and busy trying to keep my resolution. My goal for today is to get in bed with the TV off, computer off, and will be on my way to sleep by 9:30pm. Wait! Its 10pm now, forget that, maybe 10:30pm. If I sleep until 7:30am, that will give me 9.0 hours of sleep, which is a lot more than I normally get.

With the good trusty 5 star DVD which combined with the fact that I don't get enough sleep leave me partially horny but sleepy. Anyway just had a mild dinner at home and was sitting out in the cold rainy night smokin. Then, a nice warm shower hence to tame my horny-ness. I could picture someone showering with me. Nice...

I've got a lot of things working against me rightnow, my bed is messy, my hamsters needs fresh bedding, my toe nails need cutting and arm pit hair needs trimming. Well, life sux!

Tornado just went pass here

gosh, dunno about you guys but this is horrendous!

(Had to put it in Black&White)

75kg Bak Kut Teh

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Sumo Wrestling Championship. Weighing 75kilo at the red corner, EdMaestro also knows The Kinky Snake!!!! RROOOAArrrr!! (crowd cheer) Round 1, Bing Bing....

Yes, like i said in my previous post 'New Years Resolution' My current weight is 75kilo. My original goal was 71-72kilo by 23/1/06. If I can get below 72, that would be fine with me. Now I just have to maintain this weight with one of the biggest eating period of the year coming up soon, Happy SnoopDog Chinese New Year!

Im in Fitness First doing Body Jam..... sue me!

Fitting Room Dilemma

It's quite embarrassing so I won't mentioned who. Never, I mean never try on a pair of pants with your shoes on and in a cloustaphobic fitting room. Both feet stuck in this pants with no room to maneuver. So you're banging around in this room like a trapped mouse, sweaty and frustrated. The aggravated feeling of shouting for help so that someone out there would hear u, "bring me a pair of scissors please." Anyhow this dude I'm talking about managed to free himself of this pants in like 10mins but sad to say the pants is totalled. Yeah, wear and tear but 90% of the damaged was from his stinky anal sweat. Gosh what a terrifying experience this dude had gone through.

10 Worst Blow Job Mistakes (Rated PG13 & 18SX)

The following materials are for mature adults only. Readers discretion is advise hence blowjob is also known as Fellatio. Well, back by popular demand this will be my very last post on the top 10s. Again, it's a benefit for all 'women' kind. I did not write this i swear!

1. Teeth
   
   The number one blowjob mistake: letting your teeth hit his cock. We can't stress this enough. Ask any guy and he'll tell you again and again: nothing is worse than a blowjob that is "all teeth". In fact, most guys won't admit it, but their idea of a perfect blowjob would be getting sucked off by a gorgeous woman with removable dentures. Teeth can nick and scrape the sensitive skin of the penis. Open your mouth wide enough that they stay away from his cock, or suck your lips in over them to cushion the rough edges. If he's wearing a condom during the blowjob this may provide a slight buffer, but don't count on it.
   




2. Going too fast
   
   Some guys enjoy a quickie, but unless they're in a hurry to get back to work or back to their wife/girlfriend, most men like to savor the experience of getting their cock sucked. So don't rush them. It's not a race to see how fast you can get him to spurt. Take your time and make it last. Concentrate on different parts of his penis, or his balls, then go back to basic sucking and stroking. At the end of a luxuriant BJ session, he'll blow a much larger, more satisfying load.
   




3. Sucking too hard
   
   Hoovering him like a dustbuster may seem like a good idea in theory, but there's a wrong way to do it. Don't fasten your mouth around the head of his cock and suck like you're trying to get a triple-thick milkshake though a straw. Guys' dickheads are the most sensitive part of the penis, and uncut guys are even more sensitive there. The proper technique to hoover is to take more of his cock into your mouth and apply moderate suction.
   




4. Crushing his nuts
   
   Don't grab his balls and squeeze like you're trying to crack walnuts. This is a move you want to pull on a would-be rapist, not a guy you're trying to get off. It's painful. Many guys like to have their sack rubbed, licked, or gently tugged during a bj. You can even take a break from sucking his cock to take one or both of his balls into your mouth. But don't yank on the family jewels, and don't put them in a vise grip.
   




5. Barfing and gagging
   
   Throwing up while giving a bj is definitely a turn-off, although sometimes this happens to the most well-intentioned cocksuckers. What happens is they get overenthusiastic, take the cock too deep or hard into their throat, the gag reflex gets triggered, and then it's all over. Or once the cum starts hitting the back of her throat, things start flowing the wrong way. Don't try to deep throat on your first BJ. Everyone will be sorry. Practice first on to get your gag-reflex under control. Or just work up to it at your own speed.
   




6. Remaining immobile
   
   Putting his cock in your mouth and then doing nothing is as bad as overdoing it. Most guys don't want to feel like they're face-fucking a cadaver. You need to work it at least a little. A total lack of effort or enthusiasm on your part is a real buzz kill. If you don't know what to do with your tongue, at least bob your head. After a while, he may want to take a more active role and have you relax while he fucks your mouth, but you need to give him a little encouragement to get him aroused.
   




7. Not using enough pressure
   
   Wimpy blowjobs are no fun. Be firm and suck him like you mean it. Lapping his dick lightly will just make him feel teased. Licking his dick like it's a lollipop or popsicle may be fun to get warmed up, but then you have to get down to business. Use a firm (but not too firm) hand to work, while you get your mouth all over his knob and caress it with your tongue.
   




8. Spitting
   
   Most guys want you to swallow and think that a BJ really isn't complete until his load goes down your throat. The only exception is if he gets off more on spraying it on your face, tits, or somewhere else. If you really don't want to swallow, this can be an acceptable compromise. Symbolically, swallowing shows that you accept him and his manly essence fully. Although we can't endorse unprotected bodily fluid exchange in any form, if you happen to be giving an unprotected blowjob (i.e., without a condom) and you end up with his spunk in your mouth, do not retch his cum into a wastebasket in front of him. If you really feel you must spit, do it discreetly into a towel or tissue.
   




9. Dry mouth
   
   A good BJ involves a lot of saliva. Don't be afraid to get a little sloppy and drool on his cock. If your mouth is dry from nervousness or whatever, there will be too much friction and stickiness to give good head. If your mouth is dry, drink some water and rinse. Try to work up a good mouthful of spit before you go down. Suck on a hard candy to get your juice flowing, or suck on a hacks to give him a mentholated BJ.
   

10. Stranglehold
    
    Don't put his cock in a deathgrip. It's fine to wrap a hand around the shaft, but don't clench and for god's sake, watch the nails. Just hold it enough to keep it from flopping around and shuck his pole with your hand while you work him with your mouth. His dick shouldn't have a handprint on in when you're done.

10 Worst Cunnilingus Mistakes (Rated PG13 & 18SX)

Please bare in mind I did not write this. I find it hilarious therefore I should share it for the benefit of all "man" kind....

1. Making like a gynecologist
   
   Sure, you're curious about what a pussy looks like up close. Go ahead and take a good look. But don't spread her labia open so wide that she feels like she's getting her annual pelvic exam at the gynecologist. Just use your fingertips to gently hold back her lips and slip your tongue in there.
   

2. The head shake
   
   Don't emulate the exaggerated oral techniques in porn movies, especially that move where the guy sticks his tongue straight out and instead of licking, shakes his whole head side to side between the woman's legs till his ears slap against her thighs. It looks dumb even on camera and it doesn't work in real life.
   

3. Blowing air up her coochie
   
   Do not form a seal around her vagina with your lips and blow into it. What, do you think she's a doll? Blowing lightly or breathing on and around the pussy is hot, but blowing air into the vagina is just dangerous and can lead to serious queefing (pussy farts).
   

4. Lapping like a dog
   
   It's good to lick, and it's good to keep your tongue loose and relaxed. But don't get sloppy or slobbery. Use a little restraint and don't pant. If your oral technique reminds her of her pet Golden Retriever, that won't be a turn-on. At least, we hope not.
   

5. Clit hickeys
   
   Hickeys are so high school, but if you wanna leave your mark, do it on her neck, arm, tit or thigh. Don't clamp your mouth around her clit and suck it so hard you give her a welt. Strong on the clit (sucking it like a vacuum cleaner) isn't going to feel very good to her and might hurt.
   

6. Drunken pussy eating
   
   This is as bad as a drunken blowjob, and you'll really ruin the moment if you're so wasted that you toss your cookies in her crotch. Remember, keggers and cunnilingus do not mix. To do a good job eating her out, you need to be able to pay attention and coordinate your tongue action. If you don't throw up, you still might pass out, and that pretty much guarantees you won't get another date with her.
   

7. Singing the Alphabet Song
   
   Some guys like to use the trick of spelling the letters of the alphabet on clit using their tongue. Fine, just don't start singing "Now I know my ABCs" while you're doing it. If you're going to get studious while your down in her muff, try composing your term paper with your tongue. It may be the first time anybody ever got off on Kafka.
   

8. Jabbing and stabbing
   
   Having someone insistently jabbing and poking their pointy tongue on your clit and into your pussy is just as creepy and uncomfortable in oral sex as it is in French kissing. It makes you come off as overeager and unskilled. Relax your tongue and take your time. Gently caress her clit and let her bring her pubes to you.
   

9. Orthodontia and pubes don't mix
   
   Some of you may still be wearing braces. If so, make sure she shaves or at least trims, or you're going to end up snagged in her short curlies. It'll be extremely painful for her and gross for you when you have to pick the hairs out of your teeth. Of course, the worst is if you're cheating on your girlfriend and she spots someone else's pubes in your teeth.
   

10. Blowing raspberries
    
    It's fine to make some noise while eating pussy. Moaning is OK; most women like that. Even slurping is acceptable within limits. But sticking your face up in her bush and blowing raspberries or making fart sounds is not going to go over well. Neither will burping. See our warning about keggers and cunnilingus.

"How to be a good Wife to me?"

I've been keeping this post since last year and I've finally completed it.

My good friend is getting married this coming months. She has written me an email asking me how she is able to please his man as his wife for she loves him a lot. She asked me what does a husband really look for in a wife. She is afraid that she will screw up.

This is what i told her. In my opinion there is no perfect wife, neither nor you can be an almost perfect wife. BUT you can be a just right wife with the right attitude and with the right mind. Believe in yourself, sometimes things will not work out exactly as planned. Regardless of the stumbling blocks both of you may encounter, marriage life needs to have support and you need to assure him that whatever it is you will go through with him.

One last thing and I can tell you this, men are just boys who need attention and reassurance pretty much all the time. This is how i think of it, so now I need you to sit on my lap, kiss me for no reason and assure me that you love me. Well at least this would make me happy.

My Current Wallpaper

Say high, no i mean HI to my latest notebook wallpaper! Keeps me going and going and going and going......

Lost Time!

Eve of Haji i stayed home soon after i got home from Fitness First. Then I was on my computer updated my blog, watch a little hanky panky. It was almost midnight, and I thought I would only stay up long enough to watch DVD. I watched DVD, then I was thinking it must be close to midnight by now. I looked at the clock and it was after 2:00am!

There are only one explanations for this and it involves Alien abduction. I cannot explain how i lost more than 2hrs of my time without knowing what i did. The DVD just started and I already felt that i was tired and was drained of something. Oh My Gawd! Dried Semen stained on my boxers! Damn you Aliens!!! They have outrage my modesty, I've been raped by Aliens without my knowledge! How could they? Well at least let me stay awake during the insemenation process mah! I've been devirginized boo hoo.....

Who Am I? People ask....

Who Am I?

A bad man (I can't aim straight while peeing)
A bad bad man (How youuu doin?)
A very bad bad man (Have you riden a horse?)
A 'be afraid, be very afraid' man (MUhhahahhahaha!)
A computer addict (... where's the USB slot?)
A computer game junkie (Strip Me Poker)
A unhappy happy unhappy happy person
A worrier (I don't need nail clippers)
A good lover in and out of bed. (Choo Chooo Cugga Cugga Choo Choo!)
A defensive driver (in downtown KL, streets of JB and Penang only)
A procrastonator (It means i do all my work last minute, I have 3 summons dated 2001)
A good listener (only when you are talking sense)
A good friend (Someone who drinks with me)
A hard worker (only when my computer is facing me)
A perfectionist (my toothbrush must face the direction the sun rises)
A somewhat intelligent person (what's 1+1? 11)
A sarcastic person in a good funny way... (your fart stinks! No, really)
An out of shape person (I changed my flat tyre with what i have on me)
A forgetful person (I'm still a virgin)
A soft-hearted person (Damnit!)
A belief in GOD person (Yeah, Lim Goh Tong)

Lesson To Be Learned

Never mix Wine, Whisky, Beer and Sake together! A result of it: A very drunk and horny man.

Cheers!

Why? Oh Why?

Just washed and polished my car an hour ago at lunch time. Felt like I'm driving a new car. Happy! Here's a recollection of what happened after that. This is my story:-

Driving back to office.....

"Lalalala... di dum di dum...."

Suddenly!!

Splash!!

"NOOOOooooo..."

Mud all over!

Black face!

@!#$%^% T.N.M.C.F.H *&^%#@! M.C.H *&^%#& P.Y.T %#@!% K.N.N #$%&

Mobile Harassment

This few days I've been getting some form of harassment on my mobile phone. Suggesting me to keep a distance from this person. They are saying that I was interrupting their "entertainer". I don't know who but I sure want to find out.

Unbearable!

A sudden thought after lunch caused me some pain. This pain is almost too much to bear, I go from day to day wondering if someone really appreciates me, if anyone thinks about me or cares about me. More so lately, I've wondered if I CAN hope what I am hoping for. I believe I might be waiting for something that will not come true, which means my wait is hopeless. I am in pain. I am very unhappy now.

The main point is that I am sick and tired of dealing with problems and people is doing nothing to get themself on the right track.

2005 have past, nothing... Oh well life is too short to be otherwise.

Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
.............(wait a few counts)..
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

A New Look For A Brand New Year.

I felt a deep inexplicable need to update my blog template and spent way too much time creating it & plugging in opinions. The old template was functional but felt a tad out dated and just not very organized. I've sure there are plentiful of my fellow readers having to wear glasses by now. Anyway you are subject to read a 'clause' on the bottom of my blog, so sue me not.

New Template Test. Please Ignore.....

GOOOO GOOOO GAGAGAGAGA. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. BEE BOO BEEE BOOO. WOOT WOOOT. TOOT TOOOOT.

What about Censorship?

People question me about the extremity of my posts recently and i said hey that's why people come to my blog. It's a blog, you write whatever you feel like writing. When a light bulb just went on. If one wants to blog about anything and everything, one cannot be in fear of any retaliation. If there is the possibility of retaliation, one must weigh the consequences of posting their every thought against what they might lose in a negative situation. Morever a blog tells people about who you are, I am no faker and i have no mask.... just me.... just me.

Readers, YES that is my picture on the blog!! Not CUT & PASTE from somewhere, that's me writting this blog! hahhaaha you people crack me up.