Jokes

I received this forward from a friend. You might want to read it if you want to have a good laugh. I did.

Subject: Q&A

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

Year of Pigs!

Just for Laugh!
Sounds "logical" deduction of pigs..

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
hence,
Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if,
Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
hence,
Men = Pigs + earn money
if,
Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep>
Hence,
Women = Pigs + spend
if,
Women - spend = Pigs
in other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women spend become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.

Dirty Jokes

1. Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
   Mom asked "How do you know?"
   Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still inplastic cover."
   
2. Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
   Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
   2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You gotnice house."
   
3. After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
   Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
   Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have onebefore."
   
4. Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes.Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes.Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.
   
5. To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it.To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?Threading a needle is not easy.
   
6. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:"Anyone got a cock?"
   All men rose."I meant anyone seen a cock?"
   All women rose."I mean anyone seen my cock?"
   All nuns rose.
   
7. A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said" Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
   
8. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
   Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
   Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
   Mom: "Then you will get many!"
   
9. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:"
   If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
   Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."
   
10. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
    Teacher: "Why?"
    Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
    
11. Two sperms talking on mobile.
    1st: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you closeby?"
    2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing thetonsils."
    
12. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.

Jumping into 4 Ekor

Since everyone has been asking ang pow this year from me I want to let you know what is a good number to buy for Magnum, 3D and Toto today (Wednesday), Saturday, Sunday right up to Chinese New Year? Sinseh EdMaestro would like to give a little reward, a small token of appreciation, a small "ang pow" to everyone here reading this post. Since you have been my loyal readers for sometime now, Sinseh EdMaestro will give you all some reward for wasting time and bandwidth in my blog. I stress again reeeeemember to buy this number and you will sure to strike and hit the jackpot within the days mentioned. The lucky number is 0404. Why this number? Because on Feb 18th, 2007 when you meet people they will say "Kong Si Kong Si" to you. Kong Si Kong Si in hokkien means zero four zero four. So there you have it. 0404 is the significant number! Don't say I didn't tell you.

As for me I bought 5186 & 8421 today because 0404 is just for you. Good Luck

Jokes after Jokes

Life after death
BOSS said to an employee:
"Do you believe in life after Death?"
EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS:"Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you."



Birthday Present
A wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:"Buy me a surprise for my birthday" she said. "Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 within 4 seconds""... and I would prefer a blue one please!"Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.


Click here to see the present

Men Are Like...

Just to be fair...
Got this funny email from my friend :

1. Men are like….Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
2. Men are like….Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like….Weather . Nothing can be done to change them..
4. Men are like….Blenders. You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like….Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like….Commercials. You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like….Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like….Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like….Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like….Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like….Snowstorms. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like….Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like….Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

More Jokes

A Guy and girl meet at the bar and are instantly attracted to each other. They Party all night, and at the end decide to go back to his place to continue. Once there, they get passionate and start to make out. When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed and gets under the covers, waiting for the guy who is now coming out of the bathroom.

The guy walks in starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on. He reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out a magic marker and hands it to her.

She takes one look at it an says, "What's this for? Are you some kinda pervert?"

He looks at her, drops his shorts and smiles kinda sexy.

She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief at his johnson which hangs more that halfway to his knees.

He breaks her spell by saying, "Your gonna have to draw a line somewhere, baby."

Cool T-Shirt

I should get this Tee or make one myself. Thanks for the contribution.

Jokes after Jokes

A Prayer for Ladies

Holy mother full of grace,
Bless my boyfriends gorgeous face,
Bless his hair that tends to curl,
Keep him away from other girls,
Bless his arms that are so strong,
Put his hands where they belong,
Bless his dick the one I sucked,
Bless the bed in which we fucked,
And if my mom happend to walk in,
Bless the shit that I'll be in.

(P/S: I thought my poem was good but this is even better)


Candy Machine

A guy is taking a shower when he suddenly has the urge for some candy bars. He grabs some money and runs to the corner store stark naked. He grabs two candy bars, throws the money at the surprised clerk and runs back to his home. But before he can get there, he sees three nuns walking toward him. He braces his back against a brick wall with a candy bar in each hand.One of the nuns says, "Look, sisters, a candy machine!". She grabs the guy's chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick. The guy drops one of the candy bars and she picks it up. The next nun goes through the same procedure, and when she pulls his dick, he drops the other candy bar and she picks it up.The third nun grabs his chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick, but she doesn't get her candy. Frustrated, she pulls and pulls. Finally, she says, as she rubs her hands, "Look, sisters, Johnson's Hand Lotion!"

Christmas Party Went Wrong

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned,

"tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn.

"You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," John said.

"Piss on him."

"You did," his wife said,

"and he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

His wife replied, "I did. You're back at work on Monday."

So Much To Do & So Little Time!

I'm super fucking busy today... I've got a million things to do and not much time to do it in! So I apologize for no having any updates this few days. Don't curse me, cause I've been sneezing whole day in the office.

Curse me not cause this is your mum at a computer store!

Jokes Again

Morris an 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better," he replies. "I've got a twenty two year old bride who's pregnant with my child! . . .What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle... *BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver." "EXACTLY!"

Dirty Jokes to brighten up your day.

Kinds of Penises

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."

Moral of the Story

There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction. The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself, "Well, if he can do it, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail, arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the mouse, only to end up in the lake. What is the moral of the story? Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy...

Penis Torture

Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the castle. Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women. After a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king said that each of them would be severely punished according to their occupation. The king goes up the first man and demands to know his occupation. The first man replies, "Fireman." The king tells his army, "Burn off his penis." Then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his penis." Then finally the King asks the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."

A Perfectly Innocent Picture

Done Any Shopping Lately?

Here's a good one. Now I can never understand why God made us different? Hey God I believe you left out a gene in my DNA count.

Click on the picture for animation.

I Gotta Share This!

A friend sent me an email forward with this attached... Thought of sharing with you guys!

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath."Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"Mama answered, "Not yet."

How's That?

Priceless Story

Here's something i got from a friend, thought of sharing it:-

Daniel wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Daniel looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. LoveYou!"So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Daniel asks: "Son, what happened last night? "His son says: "Well, you came home around 3 am drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. "Confused, Daniel asks: "So,why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? "His son replies" "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE, I"M MARRIED!!" (Guys you better memorise this till it becomes second nature.)


MORAL of the tale:
Self-induced hangover -- RM300.00
Broken furniture -- RM2,000.00
Breakfast -- RM10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS

Iraqi Passport, Cool! 

Aim Properly 

Sign Boards from Hell 

"Chung"