New Years Resolution

One of the more popular resolutions made at this time of year is to get fit. Gotta remove some excess fat but again the main reason, is my lack of interest in the activity that I've chosen to pursue. Not rocket science I know....I've come to learn it's always easier to do what you love.

So! here's the thing. Why not try something new that might just spark a light deep in your soul, improve your health and your sex life? Or at least, your sense of your sensualness.

Come on everybody "Give it to me babeee, aha aha, give it to me babeee, aha, aha"!

BYE 2005!

Here are the good things that occured to me in 2005.

• Did not loose my penis
• Still a virgin (In my wetest dream)
• Did not get drunk and fall flat on my face (Oh wait!)
• Feel very Gayish this year
• Still around makin people hate me
• Blog a success, scare everyone.

Hopefully 2006 will even bring me more joy and laughter.

....and a happy new year.......

RE-POSITIONING IN YEAR 2006

A brand new year is around the corner and nothing in life ever stays the same or should stay the same. We've got to learn to re-position ourselves with every change to better improve in everything that we do. I want to thank all my readers for their comments, although some i had to remove to avoid any mis-interpretation of my blog. Anyhow I appreciate it all. So here is me wishing to all my fellow readers...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006"

Have You Seen Her??

LOST PET!!

NAME : "HUSH" @ "LILO"
COLOR : DIRTY BROWN WITH WHITE CHEST
OUTLOOK : FLOPPY EARS, 8 SAGGING NIPPLES,
STUMPY LEGS, WHIP LIKE TAIL.
BREED : DASHUND MIX
DATE MISSING : 25/12/05
LAST SEEN : SUBANG JAYA
FAV. BEHAVIOR : PLAY DEAD & SELF CLEANS ANAL ON GRASS
REWARD : $YOU GET TO SHAG HER$

Please go find my dog! I miss her a lot, I get very very very 'lonely' at night.......

Good Morning...

Things are going GREAT this morning!!!! I am making every attempt to have a positive outlook on things. By the way, my positive affirmation for today is "I am the kind of person that completes what he starts" and to start of with "You had me at Hello."

TSUNAMI 26th DECEMBER 2005 A Prayer

Let’s lift up our prayers to "GOD" to give strength to the families who suffered from the last Tsunami, especially those who have lost their loved ones.

Does anyone know of this "Tsunamika" Doll that you can puchase to commemorate to the victims of tsunami 26/12? It's thumb size, if anyone have came across such dolls please do let me know.

Hardness on Xmas 2005

First i wanna say this! Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!! Im Happy.

I had this huge hang over on Xmas day, belief it or not, i don't know why, maybe something was in the alcohol, it made me errect the whole day. As soon as i got up at 1.00pm it was already pointing to heaven. I just couldn't tame it no matter what i did. Trust me.......

Who needs extra hangers?

Heh... well it's a joke.

I was hungry and i can't just walk around the house like that, people around. I slapped on my underwear, chose the one that was tight so that it doesn't buldge too much. It's kinda like hipster undies so it pikabooed a little but at least it's being held down or should i say held up? Ah whatever! I was suffering coz im not used to wearing 'toight' undies and it felt like my head was choking and turning blue.

Went on for BKT (Bak Kut Teh) with my bro and a friend. It was a unnatural feeling sitting down at the restaurant whereby my belly seem to be wrestling with dicky. Fighting for a comfy space within my pants.

After the meal, after those herbs they put into the soup, it made it even worst and i need to get out of this undies. Went home put on my boxers but it has a wardrobe malfunction coz it has a hole infront and there is no way to close it up. The hole is meant for easy access to your thing for easy peeing.

So i had to walk around whole day with it sticking out of my boxer like an overgrown mushroom.

HO HO HO Merry Christmas.

Guide to Blogging... Sex

I was going thru the In-Tech papers yesterday and I came across this column about how to capture your audiences interest on your blog. I've done all that except for one factor that is...

SEX!

The editors claims that writing about sexual encounters, sexual innuendos, sexual preferences etc etc will help in improving reading condition on your blog. Hmmm.... Ping!!!! Do you see the light bulp light up on my head? I'm getting all juiced up thinking about it. I'm wet, my heart is pounding and I'm ready, so people hope you can come back and see what's my next post gonna be like. I promise it will make you sweaty, steamy and shocky! I call it the "Tripple S Fucktor"

Down boy!

Oh my dog came between my legs, starring at me, begging, saliva spitting from his mouth and he is all wet! I gotta calm him down. BYE!

I Did The Happiest Thing Today.

I peed at the road side this morning. It was an emergency. Arrrgh.... watta feeling!

No No Bullshit I Dont Want No Bullshit...

I think I did a great job being cheerful and acting like none of the crap bothered me. It really doesn't, other than I don't like dealing with bullshiters. I guess if I am going to be forced to deal with people who bullshit, I should be able to beat them at their own game by Bullshitting.

This morning traffic jam, so I put siren on my car then people started letting me thru thinking that i was undercover cop.

Im Really Pissed Off!

Playing with someones emotions really pisses me off when someone plays with someone else's emotions. Of course, I'm saying this because I felt it before countless times. Treat people as you would like to be treated!

Bad and Slow Drivers! Every single day i face this problem that I have an opinion on the group of people that causes the most problems on the road but I won't go into that right now. Drivers that drive too slowly on fast lanes will impair the progress of other drivers, should be run off the road. It is not that driver's responsibility to prevent me from driving as fast as I want, even if it's over the speed limit. Also, you drivers that don't use your turn signals or make quick turns and lane changes without signaling are playing with death. Someone will eventually run you all off the road....

Why do people play games? I can't stand that crap. I am straight and sincere with people and I expect people to be straight and sincere with me. I can't stand it when people play games!

There are a lot of things that piss me off especially right now, when my emotions have been trampled, again, and again and again and I am angry at the world.

What Happiness?!?!

I guess I'll never see it. I give up and I'm so tired!

I am so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I know I am not the only lost guy out there. I'm just tired of being a good guy and tired of complaining about how im being treated. What do I do? I'll tell you what I am going to do. I am going to put that part of my life aside and concentrate on work and friends. I did sign up for "Quick Guide To Get Your Life Back" so I'll stick to that for now.

The Next 2 Minutes

This are the 5 things I'm going to do in the next 2 minutes.

1) Walk to my bed
2) Remove my undies
3) Let it dangle
4) Get on bed
5) Sleep

and Don't let the bed bugs BITE! Hope not!

Done Any Shopping Lately?

Here's a good one. Now I can never understand why God made us different? Hey God I believe you left out a gene in my DNA count.

Click on the picture for animation.

Almost Killed By A Women Driver!

This one will be short post. I really apologised to any female friends I have out there but consider this to be my opinion only and therefore, should not be angry by my statements on the following.

Women are bad drivers!!!

Did i just say that out loud? GOD safe me! Ummm not all.

Almost got side swipe by a women driver today while i was on the fast lane at 90 kmph. Almost lost control of my vehicle while trying to avoid her coming from the right. Apparently i was in her G - Spot, NO i mean blindspot. My car skidded from left to right on the fast lane and lucky for my Sentra Traction System I gained controlled of my car in about 3.5 secs! When i finally regained my senses, she was already 500 metres away and she don't even realized that she almost caused the death of one LengChai! (embarassed when i say this k..)

I do not believe that being a safe drivers makes you a good driver. Confidence in one's driving and driving defensively makes one a good driver.

And umm... Make up your mind!!! This is the typical problem I see with women drivers. Why can't they decide where they want to go. They make right turns from the left lane, drive in two lanes while deciding which way to go, brakes at green lights, drive too slow in the fast lane, etc.

Oh Lord forgive me.....

Let's hope i survive after posting this!

Please call me to check if I'm still alive, will ya?

Peace Out!

I Need New Intelligence!

I can't sit still and let the world pass me by. I am in a job where I really don't have to learn anything new. Just intruct! In one respect, that is good, however, from a career stand point, that is bad. Also, I am capable of handling loads of knowledge and I always want to learn new things. I think I am going to teach myself STOCK BROKING. It seems to be the way the people in the business industry is going (at least the part where making extra money in a non-competitve world) I have picked up some website teaching you how to play Stocks and I believe the prospects for long-term business are better with stock broking knowledge. I have a book already. It's called "Stock Broking For Dummies". I guess that is just one more challenge for my life. I can't sit still. I have to always be moving, learning, and doing something.

Yeap It's Official, MY LIFE SUCKS!

Ehhh, well it’s been a while since I’ve ever really talked about myself in my very own blog. Just to share a little about how my life really suck these few weeks back!

Work! It seems nothing is easy or an easy way out if you're running your own company! The pressure and the madness it gives you! Aaaaaaa That sucks!

Argh... what the fuck is happening to me?! Im lost my bearings in life, confused by women and lonely as it gets! That suck!

Lost of Sleep! Havn't been sleeping much... I've been thinking alot... That sucks!

Increased in bitterness emotionally. That sucks!

Went to a club last night, girl approach and ask "Are you gay? coz you don't seem to be bothered to chat up?" I'm Gay now! That sucks!

My hamster peed on my left hand and a few days later he went into constipation mode and crapped all over my right hand. That sucks!

My Notebook is now sitting on a cooler after it crashed and burned out during heavy MP3 head smashing and bangging. There goes my only company, something that i needed most after handphone... That sucks!

Where im sitting now, it's fucking bored! That sucks!

more to come......

It's Friday But It's So Quiet!

Why am i doing home? I need to get out! Yo, Where da partae at? Push it, push it real good!

Sing Me A Lullaby

OMG I'm still awake. I can't sleep! I got home around 6:30pm this evening and was so tired i went to sleep. Got up 9pm ate dinner and try to sleep again but I'm awake eversince. Damn, my eyes are wide open! Someone sing me a lullaby please.

You The Stranger In The Eyes Of Your Love One

If you put 5 friends, your partner and yourself in a group who do you think your partner will prioritize? Yourself you said? Wrong! I have a friend “A” who told me the partner prioritize the friends and left out my friend "A". “A” was unable to communicated or had any physical contact with the partner and was left unattended. But any attempt is made to interfere with the partner “A” will be given the 'look' and perhaps skinned alive. This happened many times “A” said. “A” asked me if this is normal. I told "A" “Yes” because the partner was chosen by you. I told “A” doesn’t deserved to be sympathized and blame yourself for it. LOL.

Guide To Accept the Heartless and Ungrateful.

Guide? There is no such thing as Guide for this. I've heard many instances where couples telling me that we should accept who your partner is no matter what and that you cannot change the character of the person. True! But to what extend?

Should there be a limit as to how your partner behave towards you? Whether or not your partner is hurting your feelings and yet you have to accept the consequences because you made the choice of choosing. Some of us have high tolerance, I really respect them. Even though how much you have given and done for your partner you will never ever be able to change the way your partner treats you. You tolerate because you love your partner, even though your partner is heartless and ungrateful at a certain time. You will keep pondering why your partner is able to do that to you even though you have done your best in making them happy. I guess we will never understand and accept this fact. Yes, you can be nobody at times in the eyes of your partner but what can you do? You made that choice.

Do you deserve to be symphatize? NO! Good Luck

Long Term Relationship Is It Really Complicated? (PART II)

I have received a few comments on the “Long Term Relationship is it Complicated? Part 1”. Some of my fellow blog readers said that Marriage will solve all the problems and because it is time. Let me explain here why this is not always the way to solve problems.

Yes we all picture ourselves eventually settling down with the “perfect” partner and build a strong and wonderful married life together and even create a family. I know there is a lot more to marriage besides the romance and love you feel for one another. A good and healthy marriage requires effort and team work!!! BUT there are question we need to sit down and discuss.

So what makes this person the one? Obviously your first answer will be because you love your partner but that is not the question!! The question is, what makes this person, out of all the other people you have met, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? It is important to make a mental list on this, to prevent yourself from entering a marriage for the WRONG REASONs. Now here is the example I want to reply my readers; a wrong reason would be marrying because you feel that time is running out for you. I believe one cannot be pressured or allow others to pressure you with the idea that you are getting old and you are dating too long and may never have another opportunity to get married. You must have COMPETENCE you must be able to handle the different aspects of relationships with the opposite sex including conflicts. If you are not able to handle conflict and allow your partner to grab you by the balls. Then it will be your end.

First ask yourself if you are ready to be a wife or husband. Being a spouse is DIFFERENT than being a boyfriend, girlfriend or fiancé. It requires new and more RESPONSIBILITIES and a lot more ATTENTION.

Can you stay committed and faithful? Being able to commit and stay faithful is one of the biggest things that will lead you to marriage. Can you live with your partners lifestyles? If your partner has certain attitude that will drive you crazy, it can be worked out with effort on both your parts. However, if you feel you can never get along, then perhaps the two of you should not get married and continue dating and getting to each other before making any big decisions.

Last but not the least! Conscientiousness, what it means is individual who do unto others as they wish others do unto them, showing a kind caring approach are often conscientious. I know some of you out there felt that their partner don’t care how you are hurt as long as what they do is right, they are probably lack of conscientiousness. You will hurt more if you love your partner more then they love you. Yeah it’s a pain.

These are only some questions you should definitely find answers to before getting married. If you are confused on any of them or cannot find an answer, then do not get married until you do. If you want a marriage that will be happy, healthy and last forever, you should never involve yourself in a marriage until you decide you are truly ready for it.

Long Term Relationship Is It Really Complicated? (PART I)

Do you people ever feel that you have done your best in relationship to convince your partner that you’re the only one? In a way to make your partner to be pleased with what you have done for the relationship? BUT in the end of the day you’ll be disappointed because you didn’t get the results that you wanted from your partner. You don’t see any improvements. Though disappointed do you choose to be quiet and subdue everything inside you?

I belief some of you took this route which is to try very hard to work on being spontaneous and to do something that you normally wouldn't. I know relationships take a lot of work and it cannot be taken lightly and it's gotta be two-sided. If you are playing both roles in the relationship, would that lead you to being a loser in the end?

Some of us also try to have openness and honesty and we say is always the best way to go. If nothing is truly working, then perhaps it's easier to part ways. BUT before that, talk to one another that’s if your partner is willing to listen and not “believing” that the relationship is facing a problem. You will notice a relationship is leading to an end when they are unwilling to accept the fact and unwilling to solve the problem that the relationship is facing. A hint would be “whatever!” respond which is most common amongst our partners. THEN you should see whether you want out of your relationship cause there is nothing you can do.

Every relationship will always come with minor or major arguments but just gotta work 'em out and your relationship will grow to become a stronger bond with the person you cherish, right??? BUT some chose to often-ly “bow down”/compromise to your partner because you are afraid fights will erupt and lead to break ups. So you will just keep everything to yourself but I dare tell you this, it will make you a nobody in the eyes of your partner in a long run. Side effect of this would be your partner disrespecting you and hence losing your dignity as an equal. You know… those no give face thing, giving you the ‘treatment’. Roughly put, “grabbing you by the balls.”

In conclusion, don’t be a NOBODY, be somebody to your partner before it’s too late. Speak up and suggest new ideas of improvement. Get your balls back, set the record straight and save the relationship! It's important that it takes two to make it work out. Otherwise, it's not worth it to stay in that relationship. It's definitely important to be spontaneous in a relationship. Although you’ll be skinned alive but at least you have spilled out the problems you face in the relationship. And after that how you and your partner handle it is crucial. Hopefully “whatever” doesn’t pop up, again it will lead you to your end.

Double Sleep

Amazing! I slept a long time last night soon after i got home from work. This it the 2nd time I've ever been SO tired that I actually had dreams that I was sleeping. I wonder if that gives me double sleep.

Crappy thing about this time though was that I had nightmares and I also had nightmares in my dreams within a dream. Double nightmares! That's not fair. Man... if it were double wet dreams it would be double awesome!

Wet dreams haven't had that since form 1. sigh...

What Neglected Blog?

A friend of mine says I've been neglecting my blog, I haven't posted since the sleepy asshole hamster post. Well, I guess she hasn't seen this!

So here's what I've been doing instead of posting on my blog...

Wakeup, Shit, Eat, Smoke,Work, Eat, Smoke, Work, Eat, Smoke, Pee, TV, Computer, Jerk off, Sleep and I repeat that from Monday to Frinday. Go figure!

My Lethargic Hamster!

I've written about my dog but here's something about my Hamster.

Yes it sounds gay that I have Hamsters? Since I have all that free time every night and since it’s a nocturnal mammal I will have something to entertain me with…. No, my meaning of entertain doesn’t mean that…... I don’t do beastility.

Anyway I have a Hamster and his name is “Hamster”, in the beginning I have 2 but the other one died of sex overdose. Again, it wasn’t by me, it’s Hamster’s fault. They fucked every night so Hamstress couldn’t take it no more and died.

My Hamster believes in nothing. I can't get him to wake up at night so I can play with it. I thought Hamsters like to be touch? My Hamster is a Syrian, a fairly active species. Yet morning, noon, night getting him to go on my hands is impossible. I tried to wake him up with the promise of foods. First I tried using Corn. Hamster too goddamn good for my Corn. Tried again with some Kua Chi. Same reaction….none. I thought he may be a Carnivorous so I tried some with my burger and it’s no ordinary burger a whole fricking BigMac. Nothing…

The little fucker would rather sleep in his nest whole day. I began to think he had a secret spot in the cage where he was crapping and pissing. I looked high and low, couldn't find a damn thing. Only one small lazy Hamster sleeping (well, I wouldn't call it sleeping since his eyes are open). No piss stains, no odors, no mystery piles of love. I figured, well, he isn't eating or drinking... And I thought maybe he was depressed when his Hamstress died. I've tried socializing him around other animals like my Dog, a Bitch. Hamster just stands there like "what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that? And that's what he does... Nothing. My Hamster, the rebel.

I Am 1,886,184,539th Richest in the World!

I have always known richness as a relative term. And have always thought that I hailed from a background which is and always will be as rich as the 'teh ais' they serve at the restaurants near my office.

Guess, that explains my eagerness in finding out where I stand in the big bad world. Knowing fully well that I will never make it to the radar of the Forbes editors, I embarked on a journey of my own. The journey that would end today, right at this posting... at the doorsteps of a website.

It is official that I'm the 1,886,184,539th richest person on earth! Funny, I felt happy after trying out the website's "Find Out How Rich Are You calculator" http://www.globalrichlist.com/ . Man...did not know I was this heartless. Neither did I know the World was this poor! I have managed to be beat 4,113,815,461 people from all over the World, in the income stakes. To be precice my figure is in the top 31.43% richest people in the world. Phew, I thought I was poor!

I Gotta Share This!

A friend sent me an email forward with this attached... Thought of sharing with you guys!

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath."Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"Mama answered, "Not yet."

How's That?

Nyamuk Aedes is Back! RUN!

So it appears that the Dengue Virus is back!. Apparently there has now been reported cases of the virus causing death to many.

I don't mean to downplay the severity of such diseases, but has anyone else noticed that this has been blown way out of proportion by the our local Kliniks? If you don’t know what I meant, you should read my previous post “A Trip to the Doctor”. The Kelinik I went to, scare the shit out of me. Said I was diagnosed with Dengue Fever which I was just feeling feverish. I understand that there is a "Targeted" individuals who are more susceptible to the virus than others and that I am not of that individual myself being a relatively healthy, younger male with a good immune system. I do not fear this virus. I will continue to go to work, I will continue to be bitten by mosquitoes along the way even though my company ask me to stay home!I cannot bring myself to stop doing the things I enjoy simply because I "Could" be affected by a virus that "Might" be carried by a Mosquito that "Just May" be ready to bite me. I suspect that the law of averages is keeping me alive at this point.

Of course, now that I have written this, I will probably end up being the next victim due to my luck. But hey, if that is how I go, I suppose it could be worse, so if it is, meet you are Sunway Hospital.

Anyway here’s some of my own Safety Tips I would like to share but by understanding the basics firsts. We all know how to:-

1) Stay indoors at dawn and dusk
It means that no clubbing, no pak tor, no yum cha, no fcuking around in bushes….understand?

2) Wear protective clothing
Wear long-sleeved shirts, long pants, socks, closed shoes and Condom whenever you are outdoors for extra protection. You will never know if your zippers are down.

3) Use mosquito repellants
Don’t buy expensive repellants, it is also known that your own fart could kill those pesky little flying insect. (Proven by my friend who fainted after I let go 1.5 psi from my rear)

4) Eliminate standing water

Damn! I gotta flush my toilet now. (My flush handle broke last month)

5) Vaccinate yourself

Ooooh…. “Vaccinate yourself” sounds kinky. The hell with Antibiotics and start Vaccinizing me babeeey...

"How's Life?"

Do you readers ever came across when people, your friends or colleuges asked you "How's Life?" In most cases you would answer... "Umm Good Good" or "Not Bad." Well, do you ever thought of answering them differently. You know,.. something that they won't expect at least not "good good" or "oklah".

Anyway here's mine which I've summed up my life in one sentence...

I was asked by someone I've not met for a month. I've given some thought if I could sum up my life in one sentence. So... the "How's Life?" question came and I wasn't well prepared for it. Yet I've thought about it for awhile, never giving her a dissapointed response. I have come up with a response that she can remember me by. It is neither good nor bad. I encourage you to do the same, and leave it in the comments section should you choose to do so.

Here's mine:"Constant smoking and ejaculations leave me completely numb everyday. How bout u?"

Wanakam....Thousand Apologies!

Hey, a Blog about me apologizing for my MIA. It’s sure been a while; over 5 months ain't it?. No, I don’t know what I was thinking....

After months hiatus from this blog, I’m back. I actually started to get Emails from people asking what the "HELL" happened to me!! I didn’t realize I had such a loyal readership (ahem.....) Thanks anyway.

My last post was "I'M BACK" but i never did come back not until now, hehe. It is there that I will pick up. I really do need to try and keep up with things, though, with my ever rough and tumble blogging about anything and everything around me. I find that when I leave my writings for many days, weeks or months and then try and recount everything.. my posts can be dull. It really does start to become more of a time line of what I am experiencing here rather than a narrative of my thoughts and impressions. That said, I hope this marathon backlogging doesn’t become too dull... I promise. If you’ve been keeping up, I rearranged a few things since then to keep everything in chronological order.

Like i said it's an apologectic blog, I know it has been a while and you probably started wondering, “Gosh, I really enjoy reading EdMaestro’s blog, but I’m sad because he hasn’t posted anything new to read in months! Boo Hoo” Well, my friend, please do not fret anymore! I’m back and determined to remain faithful to writing for this blog. (notice i did not cross my fingers)

I'm working on a juicy post to make up for my long time absence. Please forgive me! I don't deserve such loyal fans (ahem), but I hope you'll all stick around cause things are about to get really fun. I'm not gonna drop too much.... but you'll see.

I'M BACK!!!!

Dear viewers,

Apologise for not updating me blog for such a long time. Well, I have much to say and many things had happened in this past months. I wish to share this with you guys. Please stay tune! More blogs commin up!

I QUIT!

I quit my Job, wanna start up my own.

Experiences Working Around My Office

Klang Valley is a wonderful place, its offers both the fast pace of life with adequate modern facilities (i.e. malls, eateries, pubs etc.), excellent environment. Yet 3 things that recently made me blow my top in KL are as such. (I'm going to bored you death with this one)

The first involves the way coffee shops, eateries and stalls conduct their businesses here in Mont Kiara. The first sign of trouble is apparent when once you sit yourself down at the table, the 10 odd waiters that is lounging around the place hardly takes not of you much less clear off the table after the last patrons. Lunging out your finger and barking out for their attention leads to no avail as well with either them totally ignoring you or else state that they’ll be with you in a moment which usually ends up being half an hour later. It really perplexes me how they want to conduct business in such a manner, unlike hawkers in Melaka or Penang that instantly home into you and asks for your order and promptly serve you the correct item, here it takes 1 people to man the counter; one to get the cup, one to make the drink, another to arrange the drink on the server, another to tally the total and the last one delivers it! It would also help that they put up a better disposition while serving rather than scowling and making me lose my appetite, there's a server at Bestari Mamak here that has a perpetual scowl that would cause my 'Indo Mee' to puff up like soggy sponge on a plate. Such a sight I’ve always witnessed while in Kelana Square and often too the people are incompetent as I asked for a itemized pricing of each drinks as we were going Dutch, he looked dumbstruck as if that was the last question in “Who wants to be a millionaire” and his life depends on it. Fine if you can’t tell me how to make Peking duck but to not even know the prices of drinks in your establishment, get out of here! Other times, if you’re out in a group and giving multiple orders, be prepared to have none of the order served as your original intentions, complaining does nothing so you might as well tuck in least they take another half an hour to serve the wrong menu item again. Eating is an ordeal as well, often it is a waiting game where meals can take to half an hour to arrive even if the mamak looks empty. Paying too can be a game of begging them to take your cash as even with you waving wads of cash directly in the air, the people fail to comprehend your intentions, as if you’re making a circus act. I’d half a mind to just walk out and they would never be the wiser. They always seem as if they have a million other things to do (aka watching the Bollywood drama on Astro) other than to serve the customer.

As for the patrons here, well an encounter last Sunday at a coffee shop along Sri Hartamas really put me off to find there are ignorant, selfish and idiotic patrons that don’t have an ounce of courtesy or the least bit ashamed of their actions. In a crowded breakfast restaurant where the Chow Keow Teow is great, I patiently waited with the myriad of patrons that is on the look out for free seats available. I patiently stood a distance away from an old man who was almost done with his part, a little away so as not to crowd the guy and to be rude as to intrude on his meal. Yet as soon as he went away, I put my car keys and handphone on the table to book it as I went to get a chair for my other colleague and it happened. Some moron with a tie & shirt unceremoniously sat down on the chair which my colleague was near and kept on repeating that he was taking the table, not withstanding the fact that we were waiting 15 minutes there for it and we had our stuff there already. He looked blur and without a clue and we decided fuck it and let him had it though I wanted to give him a piece of my mind on what I thought his manners were like. My colleague didn’t want to argue though we were in the right, I should’ve just stood in front of him as he ate and put on a face so menacing that he'll burn under the hot morning sun. We got a seat a while later but had to share with others, gave him a finger or two to show my displeasure with the fool and for the rest of the meal kept on looking menacingly at him like he was some kind of mass murderer. He looked offended but he should be! There is no decency anymore among these people.

Lastly, is the perplexing situation of Mont Kiara traffic. When I first stepped foot into my office wee house in the morning, traffic and parking here was a breeze, yet recently it seems that Mont Kiara has experienced an explosion in car ownership. Jams are worse than ever with gridlocks at the major intersections in and out of the Plaza. Parking space is a premium and the drivers here are just indescribable. On many occasions I was amazed at the extend that drivers here compete for parking, I have witnessed driver overshooting a potential spot and quickly hit reverse and threaten to mow me down, other time they parked double or triple cars and clog up the lanes, parking a kancil to take up two normal size parking bays, loading goods right in the middle of the only exit out of the place, other times they move as if their grandfather owns the road and take up their own sweet time in their search for parking, cut through the wrong lane in the one-way street and near inches from hitting you. The worst I had was a week ago when I was trying to get my car out of the parking space near Sri Hartamas, the cars behind me ignored my signal and park behind my car, disallowing me to reverse, fine. The next idiot cut right through and parked behind me and I honked him to death and even almost lost my head as I was an inch away from ramming my boot into his side before he finally let up and reversed to allow me some space. Really I don’t know how these jokers actually pass their driving license, maybe through the duit kopi.

Heading to UncleHood - Part II

My Birthday...

Today is my birthday. Last year, my birthday was real noisy and I could not really enjoy most of it. So, this year I wanted a peaceful birthday. I celebrated my birthday out of town, when i said town it's really a town, in a small town call Melaka. And what a great birthday it was to celebrate with my closest of friends. It was fun and the food was great...i slipped a bit on my weight watchers...oops! Everyone had fun and my money was well spent for a 2 days 1 night stay at Melaka Riviera.

No, I did not get any O2 XDA II for my presents. Neither have i blown any candles, n0t that I don't want to, just that the bakers do not carry that many candles. Anyway, I need all the breath in me to do other things for the rest of the day like having a choatic dinner eating "Satay Cellup" and the breath taking lunch on "Chicken Ball Rice". Yup the rice the shape and size of a buffallo's testicles. If you can take on this famous ball, you can take on all type of balls known to mankind.

Driving around Malacca town was crazily torturing, sometimes painful because you can't seem to get to the place when you know it's right there, for example Jonker's Street (known locally as "Antiques Street"). Most of the time, I got to rely on my instinct and obviously we always ended up at the place where we came from. Freaky it seemed like we were in twilight zone. So going around in circles isn't a fun thing to do unless your stereo is playing The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning. Well, I'm quite pleased with what Jonker's had to offer cause wandering along unfamiliar paths often leads us to beautiful things. Overall, I walk the walk and talk the talk till I can't take no more crafties. I must admit I've not seen Coconut shell cut in half made into a purse and the amount of shops selling insence stuff, even coffee shops sells them. Yeah, a coffee shop that look and felt like Starbucks for the price you pay for a cup of fresh, tasteless, colourless Tomato Juice, so called health drink, rip-off.. cough cough!

I'm not going to blab on, anyway everyone had been to Melaka at one time or another, you'd know how it is.... cheers!


Melaka Riviera Bay Resort

Family Deluxe Suite

Helicopter View

The Pool

Pool Side View

Jokes I came across

Joke 1:
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Jim the news he said, "Jim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but she's dead." Jim replied, "She's not dead, I put her there to dry."


Joke 2:

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Wow!," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent,thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang on to your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my Willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."Gee," says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you?" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." "Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the thing is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the shopkeeper an offer!" The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately." "WHAT?!" the guy exclaims incredulously. "THEN what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over" reported the parrot. "My God!" he says. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down..." "WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

Joke 3:

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown". Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks,"Are you Ok??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around'".

Joke 4:

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'. The second one chirps up, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, Well...?" She replies, "My son is a 6' 2", hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a bull. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God!'"

Joke 5:

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!

Joke 6:

(((RING)))) **Pick Up**

"Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul "
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
"But honey, you haven't got anUncle Paul "
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now" Brief Pause
"Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down
onthe table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommythat Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
"Okay Daddy, just a minute" A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy"
"And what happened honey?" he asked
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes onand ranaround screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul ?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But
I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause**
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??"
... Is this 486-5731

My Notebook Argh!

Greetings. Let's begin. I own a notebook And so help me God, if I hear even one "Dude, you have a HP" remark, I'll break every known speeding law driving to my bank to empty my account in order to purchase the most deadly machine and I will put that sassy motherfucker to good use. So help me God.

Now then. With that out of the way, Let me tell you a funny story. I've had this HP notebook for roughly 11 months, which in computer time, is not even enough time to get a hard drive fragmented very badly. I mean, my machine is powerful, easily capable of running the highest resolution, graphic modes, sound modes, and random, high-processor modes without the slightest hint of slowdown. And that's saying something. So behold, last Saturday night, at 3:00 AM you can imagine my sudden and heart-chilling surprise when during a routine save of a Microsoft Word document, my hard drive froze. Or better yet, it melted. I sat there, staring at the screen, knowing something was terribly wrong. I could feel that sudden tightness grip my bowels like the iron fist of Bruce Lee telling me that my computer had froze. There was a moment of silence and slow motion like in the Matrix as I reached down for the power button after the routine Ctl+Alt+Delete failed...It was like an action film the hero reching down, the wind blowing through my curtains, a fierce storm raging outside. And then I heard it! A steady, rhythmic, pulsing BEEP coming from my computer! Not from the computer, for as I leaned closer and pricked my ears, I could hear it coming from, God save us all, the hard drive! Sudden cold terror went through me like a 5-year old caught in a group hug by Mickey, Donald and Goofy. I felt my heart and innards twisted into a mesh. My guts had strunk to peanuts size. I swore at the machine! BEEP I cursed its name, and the name of its forefathers! BEEP. BEEP!

Eventually on Monday when i switch it on. It went normal. gosh...

Heading to Unclehood

It's your birthday,
We gon' party like it's yo birthday,
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday,
And you know we don't give a fuck, It's not your birthday!

Instead of talking about politics in my life, finally here's something personal about me. In a about a week time age will be catching up on me again, not one of the milestones in life. I'm now 20 (something) seems kinda too soon, but i don't feel it! I should probably post some reflection on my last year, yadda, yadda, yadda but i don't really feel like it. I'm pretty happy right now and that's what's important.

I really don't know how I should feel to have joined the ranks of the old and cool? (not old-skool) its not ofen you are classified as old as well as still being cool! oh crikey, Im ranting again, which some readers did get annoyed from my previous post.

Thanks in advance for everyone's pressies. (The O2 XDA II looks pretty cool huh?)

Priceless Story

Here's something i got from a friend, thought of sharing it:-

Daniel wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Daniel looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. LoveYou!"So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Daniel asks: "Son, what happened last night? "His son says: "Well, you came home around 3 am drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. "Confused, Daniel asks: "So,why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? "His son replies" "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE, I"M MARRIED!!" (Guys you better memorise this till it becomes second nature.)


MORAL of the tale:
Self-induced hangover -- RM300.00
Broken furniture -- RM2,000.00
Breakfast -- RM10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS

Sorry...

It wasn't intentional that I've gone so many days without blogging - but I'm still here. Now if I could just find my lucky blogging thong... thong... thong... that's right I wear thongs.

Communication Breakdown!

Why do human beings have such problems communicating to one another? Why do we have such a difficult time displaying the true nature of our souls to other human beings in an effort to create some form of harmony and peace between us? Why does it become so hard to communicate sometimes and share the innermost mechanics of the gears of our lives with other upright, semi-logical mammals like us?

I came across this incident whereby my client speaks some odd form of alien protocol, capable of simultaneously confusing and pissing me off within milliseconds of her statement. No one else in the world is capable of making me so angry. I believe that I tried as hard as I can to listen to her, it's just that she fails to speak earth language sometimes, and her words unconsciously shift to something involving too many syllables and one word answer. Let's look at a scenario that has been ocurring between us:-

I, in an attempt to determine information about her payment to us, will ask her a simple question such as, "Have you made the payment to us it has since been 30 days credit terms defaulted” She will reply with something like, "Fine" What the?! To which I will ask for details. "Has the cheque been issued?" You know, normal business conversational type things that pull out the details of the event or activity so that we may further discuss it in what is called casual conversation. Her replies, however, will be something along the lines of single word answers which give no details, no insight, and no clue as to how the event or activity affected her in any shape or form. So i repeated "You get my drift?" (I'm a pist mode by now). By the end of the day, my brain looks like mango pudding. Excellent day!

Rat's Dead, Here comes Squirrel

To some of you dear readers who had followed my blog writing journey, they will know I've murdered a rat with my car. Yes I admit it then but now hear me out. Now here's a blog about my encounter with a squirrel. You know those neighbourhood squirrel that runs around and shit on your car, dog and clothings? These mammals just don't give a damn, do they?

It all began when I set off bright and early this morning for work. I was driving my car still in my neighbourhood, merrily humming to Light and Easy radio station and suddenly a squirrel came out of no where and walk to the middle of the road and perched there. I slowed, of course. I didn't want to hit any poor bastard after all, anymore, but damn if they cared. I just called it a "He" since his balls are quite visible from where I was watching. He just sat there, staring down 2 tons of car like it was a walnut. I mean, he didn't even budge. So I drove forward slowly. I nudged my car towards him. Nope, nada, he's still staring me down, just sitting there on his ass, little black shinny eyes staring at me, daring me to try something that he'll make me regret again. I was in a bit of a rush, so I started to try to slowly veer around him. He didn't care. He watched me try, then at the last minute, he turns around all no challenge and slowly, slowly for God's sake, skitters off to a grass area where he proceeds to lazily climb a tree. No doubt that once perched on his branch, he promptly began giving me the squirrely movement equivalent to the middle finger and verbally abusing me using various colorful terms such as 'Dickhead' and 'car-asshole'. My point is, what is the world coming to when the Goddamn squirrels don't even get out of the way anymore? So you see the Rat's death last 2 months is not my fault at all. They just want to be rat macho! Before long, they'll be setting up roadblocks and storming our homes with parang. Drop some peanuts for them, it might just stall their revolution on the human kind.

geez!

"Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head...."

Sigh, since Monday the weather has been simply dreadful. Really really hot at one time and really really wet this time. This few days in KL rain and rain. I just notice that KL rain comes in all variety, the rain all day type, the sudden torrential rain burst, this horizontal rain really blasted at my face and drench my skin no matter how much protection I have on. Somtimes sudden weather changes that catches people unprepared with no umbrella at hand and drench in wet working attire grrrr. Light rain that makes you want to curl up in your blanket and sleep in though I am still at work. The chill rain that simply freezes you to death and not to mention makes taking a cold shower in the morning a rite of passage (if you survive, you can do anything that day! Stiffy whole day if you know what i mean :p) and then the never will stop, threatening tropical storm, monsoon, mother of all rain that leaves the roads all waterlogged, driving becomes hell and you'd rather swim to wherever you want to go and it's much faster then getting stuck in the jam. Sometimes I'd starve myself to death at home than trudge through that maelstrom to get food! Ahh Maggie Mee and a menthol stick.

Iraqi Passport, Cool! 

Whole Month Full of Shit in My Face

Readers might think that i am sensitive after they read this. This are the shits i encountered for this whole month..... Number one, people always point at my wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? Number two, when people behind me say while watching a film "did you see that?" repeatedly. I could have answered for him, I paid RM10 to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor. Number three, when people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking have! What can you do that's longer? Number four, when you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice what you are eating?' No it's really revolting I always eat stuff I hate. Number five, people who announce they are going to shit. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need and finally Number six, this one takes the cake, McDonalds staff at Mont Kiara who pretend they don't understand me unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a Mcchicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger I get blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and shove it in your McAss, you Mcidiot! Comprande?

Beauty and the Beast

Have you ever seen an ugly person with a beautiful person? I mean really really really ugly and really really really beautiful. We can let go, for the moment, of the hot topic on qualifications of beauty such as thinness, fairness, long hairness, youth, as we can ignore the usual seemingly synonymous with ugly, like fatness, darkness, oldness, baldness, etc. When we get to that bitter first impression, the reaction reality where internally we register that person as ugly or beautiful this assuming we can even get there at all, since society has had such tremendous impact on how we define these two qualities that we no longer know what our opinion is compared to what is said by the advertising firms so much that the person bulldozes us with their looks, in the either or they are beautiful to the point of painful gaze, or they are incurably ugly in the 'hope to die fashion'.

Both extremes are actually fairly rare, as most of us to one degree or another have aspects of either depending on the right hour and the right situation, and so we happen upon such individuals once in a blue moon. But when encountered together, it is kind of a revelation unfolding in real time. Talk about beauty and the beast you see those two and it's almost like "Where are the dancing candle at?" It is somewhat more likely in KL, where the extraordinarily beautiful flock to make appearances in night clubs and shopping malls. I see these couples and I am glad for them, if it is likely that there is love there, and not a manifestation of a mid-life crisis, or a gold-digger in the process of panning.

Therein lies a communion, and usually a lifelong one, because they are freaks, and whatever kind of freak you are, freak is freak. We don't like beautiful/beautiful couples. They are routinely shunned and admired, but with more of an emphasis on the former. Look at the media reported on JLo and Ben Afquack. It was as if they were saying "See even beauty and money and fame will never save you from heartbreak!" almost laughingly, as if there was to be some vengeance to savor for the people who 'have not' over those who seem to 'have it all'. Truthfully, no one can 'have it all'. Just as no one is a 'have not'. I cannot imagine the 'Ben-nifer', so cleverly coined by the press, with two heads, other stars and family and one bad movie between them, "Gigli" which no one saw or bothered to learn how to pronounce, have a fulfilled and happy life. So I guess we are all ugly, just as we are all beautiful. I guess that is what I mean to say.

Titties for Marketing Strategy

How come titties is such a bad thing these days? The media is "confusing" me so much because they show all kind of big titties on the tv to sell whatever they be trying to sell. Why do all the Reality Shows have such big titties women? Why AXN "Fear Factor" always have their contestants wear low necklines for big tittes? Why has it gotta do with Carmen Electra as Host in the "Man Hunt" reality show? Yes, you guessed it right, selling titties brings in big buckaroos.

There is all kind of implanted shit everywhere you look. I can even put titties on my shoulder as shoulder pads if i want to. There are titties on practically everything that is purchased in the world. There is no one who doesn't know what a breast looks like, because if you are a human being, you either have one or were born and nurtured from one. Janet Jackson has nice titties, and who cares about seeing them on a Football halftime show that no one cares or gives a fuck about except for seeing her. Getting to see her breast is a cause celebrate for TV businesses, not a moral outrage or she simply puts it "Wardrobe Malfunction" haha. I wonder how many times Justin Timberlake had to tear off that piece of polyester during rehersal? Why is it suddenly that Janey Jackson must apologize for doing what the media and advertisers are doing with such constant bombaredment of titties on TV? Not that I am complaining, I wonder if my company wants to adopt a titties marketing strategy to sell our POS. I'm short of numbers this quarter, anyone for titties? It's on my shoulder.

To the Dead Happy "Ching Ming"

Ching Ming is around the corner, it's the day for the dead. Time for those ghosties and spirits to enjoy being pampered by chicken and "siew yuk" not to mentioned spring cleaning their houses. Oh wait, do you believe in Ghost? I often wonder how it would be like to have sighted a ghost and not be frighten about it. Maybe just maybe we can chat up and ask for 3 wishes or some people might want 'empat ekor'. Have you ever wonder if you have a pet Ghost like 'Slimer' in the Ghostbusters movie? or a servant being “Yes master, Igor be good master!”. I’m still keeping an eye out for Ghosts in all my 28 years living besides the usual story telling from my friends of their Ghostly encounters. If there's any Ghost reading this, please come visit me outside Kedai Magnum.

OK serious, now is the time to honor all my dead ancestors, homies down below and those I miss and love who have crossed over to the other side, unable to be contacted by Handphone (I wonder if Maxis has line down there) or MSN Messenger (found a devil emoticons, I wonder if that connects me to hell?). I miss and love all my dead especially my paternal grandmother. She really made a big difference in the way my life was to be. If it's not for her I would still be in America and could have forgotten my roots. Thanks for all the sausage, bacon and eggs that you prepared every morning at your bungalow for it's a sanctuary. I wish that you're alive but I understand that was impossible, not until Ching Ming. So if the doors are open do come visit us. I give thanks for my heritage and thanks for your love. If you were alive, you would have been 80. (I think so...)

With all my love and respect to the dead.

Something I Must Share

Hands free Please

Second Hand Smoke

Aim Properly 

Sign Boards from Hell 

Bananana Man

Mandarin has always been a thorny problem for me. Why is this so? For a fact, my main mode of communication is in English, I speak within my family in English and Cantonese, I converse with friends in English and Cantonese, I read English medium news and magazines, I watch English movies and I write in English. Yet everywhere I went ever since I can remember I’ve always been confronted by people with the question “You don’t know how to speak Mandarin?” “But you’re a Chinese!”

Why would I necessary speak Mandarin even if I am Chinese? For starters, my family is English medium based though we converse at times in Cantonese (which I started of with vulgarities in High School). I also speak Malay because that’s what I was taught in school. It irritates me that a person keeps on lambasting the fact that Chinese people should speak their mother tongue which they dictate is Mandarin as Mainland China adopted that as their national standard. I had a mind to say we are in Malaysia and I have a right to speak whatever I wish. My first words in Mandarin that was conversant were, “Wo bu hui jiang Huayi.” Every time I enter a shop with a Chinese owner, the first assumption is that they can start conversing with me in Mandarin. After countless times of being in this similar situation, I have given up hope and just reply dryly in Cantonese. Next would be the aghast face of the person talking to you, looking at you as if you’re some kind of abomination and you can clearly feel the stares as if stating “pity this person, imagine not being able to speak his mother tongue”. Another common incident is when coffee shops decide to hand you a menu wholly written in Chinese script. Eyeballing the list I would then proceed to ask what the house specialty is or ask what the item is. The waiter would than try to explain in his limited English vocabulary what the dish is but would fail extraordinarily and I would be forced to order the usual dishes such as ‘kon loh mee’ (noodles sautéed in dark soy sauce served with vegetables and meat), ‘char kuey tiao’ (fried flat noodles with prawns and bean sprouts) or ‘chao fan’ (fried rice). Say goodbye of ever tasting the more exotic dishes written in a foreign language (to me) or maybe I should emulate the ‘gwai lo’ (white man) and order by stating the number and pray it’s something palatable. Getting stuck in a secondary school where the predominant race is Chinese as well as being students from former Chinese education school doesn’t help.

One would believe I would be savvy enough to pick up the language if forced to interact with them daily but instead failed miserably. Rather than being accepted, I’m merely tolerated or at worse out of favor while the groups chat away in Mandarin, discuss work in Mandarin or even plan social activities in Mandarin. No wonder my best friends are mostly Indians or English exclusive speakers. We often term groups of people who are insistent in breaking out in Mandarin speech knowing full well there are people who cannot understand the conversation (be they Malay, Indians or fellow Chinese as well as other races) as “Mandarin Club Speakers” as they never consider our feelings or care that we are left out in the cold. I do not see myself as being high nosed and aloft because I’m trying to learn Mandarin (which most Chinese educated people attribute us as). It’s not like I never tried, POL (people’s own language) classes in school were pathetic and served more to better those already with a basic understanding of the language without addressing those without an ounce of experience.

So I am proud to shout out to the world that I am a ‘xiang jiao ren’ or more appropriately known as banana man, a demeaning term used to describe those of Chinese origin who cannot speak their alleged mother tongue, yellow in the outside, white inside. But I do speak my mother tongue just that it happens to be Cantonese and English.

Free Thinker

Many people would chide me if I ever say outloud that I am an free thinker. Why not? From the day we were born people has been telling us that our first principle in the 'Rukun Negara' is 'Believe in God' and if you do not believe in a heavenly being, you are a "pariah dog" and something of an oddity in a country where it seems everyone is mandated to be of a faith. Where do you point out in any form that states 'atheist' or 'free thinker'? None. That is the answer. But I'm tired, I do not want to be pestered into any religion by people who think my soul is heading towards the fiery depths of 18th level of hell or is lost in limbo. I'm tired of people keep asking me what religion I am and people who tried to convert me so that more people you convert the faster your ticket to paradise is assured.

To not belong to a faith is not to say I don't believe, I do believe there is something bigger than me out there but I'm not ready enough or maybe not worthy enough to embrace it as of yet. I am thankful for my parents on not forcing me and open minded enough to let me be, I am grateful that they have allowed me the choice to find my own way in life and to the faith that calls to my heart. Yet I am sad that many people out there are still hostile towards me if I ever mention that I still am not in a religious denomination thus when they ask I say I'm a Buddhist as are my father and mother. I respect your right to belief so please respect my right not to. Some say when you are in a denomination you should disregard the belief that all other religions are false and untrue, that is just bull shit. I feel equally at home in a temple, a church, a mosque or any other religious house of God. I love seeing the devoted Muslims praying to Allah in the mosque on Fridays, the Buddhist burning incense and offering prayers in communion to their diety, I admire the Indians and feel the fervor as they get closer to their Gods when carrying out the Puja and also of the Sikhs with their traditions as according to their Gurus as well as other religious groups. We may believe in a divine being but we should never degrade the beliefs of others, they have as valid a right to believe in the divine as you and I. Who is say which has the monopoly on faith? Who is to say which faith is false or true? Who is to claim that their faith is the one and only true faith?

Well, that's said I'm going to deviate a little. As many have blogged about the recent spate of arguments. I really wonder if it is really such a big matter. It does smack a bit like the time Indonesia imposed restrictions on the Chinese population in their country such as the banning of Chinese New Year Celebrations or the display of cultural practices such as the lion dance. I would prefer the personal celebrations carried out by the thousands of individuals that celebrate their faith. Visiting my Malay friends, sharing the bounty of the Raya meals of lemangs, curries and cookies; attending my Chinese colleagues place, playing mahjong and cards, exchanging ang pows, feasting in multi course meals and watch a lion dance, share a carolling session with my Christian friends, attend mass and exchange gifts and also join in the celebrations with my Indian friends as their parents prepare endless chapattis, tosais and mutton curry to fill me to the brim. I figure the essence of the festive season is not in any National Celebration events, those are just veneers to showcase to the public, we see more miracles and a truer picture by the individual celebrants and there we see the true face of Malaysians, sharing each other's festivals without prejudice, eating side by side and sampling the multitude of culinary delight that is truly Malaysian and visiting each other on their respective festivals without care for colour, faith or denomination.

Some Thoughts on Freedom of Speech!

Urrgh, this must be one of those days when you wake up and it feels like nothing good is going your way. The morning began with a severe case diarrhea (Chilly Yong Tau Foo I had for dinner last night) which up to now has foreseen at least 4 trips to the loo. Add on to this the fact that ants are mysteriously appearing in my room table and might be trying to colonise my NoteBook as their new nesting hole. Dirty laundry piling up in one corner, someone ate my left over gum and the list goes on! Well just posting something off hand to amuse everyone out there.

There are days when you just wished everyone would just shut up and leave you in peace or days that you just wished to let your mind out. For me today it feels like a little of both. Freedom of speech, well there a lot of debate in Malaysia whether we really have the freedom to speak our minds out loud. It's not the fact that we're not allowed to speak out, rather the fact that people either:

1) Don't bother to say what's on their mind
2) There's really nothing in most people's mind worth stating in the first place or
3) Other people really don't care a rat's ass about what we have to say.

It's not true that we can't say anything. If the usual channels are not open for one to voice their opinion, well we can always rely on the "Sam Ku Look Po" (housewives or elderly woman) in the markets, the old "ah paks" (elderly gentlemen) in the coffeeshops, and even your usual sundry shop owner can be a source for the latest updates in the country. News through these channels usually spreads faster than your local satellite dish. Walk into any coffeeshop during any hot happenings and you'll hear the average Joe become an expert in whatever field, be it politics, how soccer managers should run their teams, the latest insane Malaysia-Indonesia straits tension or even the latest road rage murder investigation. (Reminded me of CSI Malaysian style) I assure you it'll be more lively, interesting and imaginative than anything they discuss in our Parliament. Never mind that most of the time what's being discussed is either a blatant fabrication, overblown or just another conspiracy theory from people's overactive imagination, in the end all we want is to hear good gossip right?

But I'm all for free speech, heck I'm getting bashed up by people all the time and that's their right, right? Even the American president is not immune to verbal bashing from talk show hosts, though if that happens here you might find that particular host gone for a spell to who knows where. Inside all of us is a critic that's for sure. So let no one push you around shouting "Diam!" as the most basic fundamentals is our right to have an opinion even if others agree to disagree with us as "someone" (No name is mentioned here to "protect" the identity of this person) I know rightly puts it, now that's freedom of speech.

Mondays Argh!

I hate Mondays. Ok ok so I know by quoting Garfield I should be paying royalty to him. But the wicked thing is that we'd be expecting Mondays to hit us on the palm and not face on. Maybe I wasn't ready for it and that I drop my guard. Maybe it's just me, because yerterday was a major headache for me!

I had a major customer (don't want to mention the name here) has placed delivery of our units to eight sites in Klang Valley, not knowing that we have ran out of stock!! Some of the deliveries had to be made tomorrow. Knowing that we need at least 3 weeks to manufacture and sent to us, I am screwed. Their stores are opening tomorrow. What should I do? I literally had to beg this customer of mine to delay the store opening and requested him to give me another Purchase Order of 12 units for eight stores on the phone. I told the truth that we have ran out of stock and I apologised on behalf of my company that we did not track the stock level. That's the easy part.

The rough part came when I need to place these orders to Singapore where our production plant is. My customer has specifically said they can delay the store opening for only 1 week, "get me the units or I get someone else to do it." I told him that i will try my obsolute best to get it for him in one week time. (I know I am getting myself into a real big problem). So, immediately he faxed over a PO for 12 units and i immediately booked it in to Singapore. I have spent in total 2 hours on the phone talking to my commercial and counterpart in Singapore to help produce these 12 units. In the end, the results I got, "I'm sorry, the best we can do is 2-3 weeks delivery".

So again I reiterate "I hate Monday (maybe just this one in particular)" plus I'm dead meat. (rotten type)

Cancer In My Life - Part II

My mom called me during work yesterday sometime in the afternoon. It's definitely cancer. It's bad. The doctors are very discouraged. We won't know until tomorrow whether it's small-cell or non-small-cell lung cancer. He has a PET scan yesterday that will tell us if it's spread anywhere else other than his right lung. We were told that the cancer was at it's final stage and life expectancy is about 3-4 months.

Neither of us wanted to upset my Grandfather any further, so I think by telling him he has cancer is at least the right thing to do but the time he's going to be around we dare not share with him. We want him to live to the fullest.

I am extraordinarily close to my grandfather I see him frequently, talk to him several times a year and though I realize how lucky we still have him, I still can't believe that the only Granparents I have is leaving us. He doesn't look sick. We just took for granted that he is so healthy all the time. We just never know, when it comes, it comes.

But again ... Cancer sucks.

Conspiracy McTheory

I had friends who wrote about "Milo", Beer and liquor but here I am today is to share with the world a conspiracy theory. Jang jang jang.....

I have been victimized! You read me right. I have been taken advantage of by a huge fast food chain for the sole purpose of exploiting my dining habits for profit. This is not about hamburgers, cheeseburgers or what goes in on the hamburgers and cheeseburgers. Although that processed cheese crap scares the hell out of me.

No, this is about something much more serious, so much so that it could possibly bring with it the downfall of all of humanity. I am a soda addict. Actually, that doesn't sound right. To be totally accurate, I am a Coke addict. And I blame McDonald's. That's right. M-little C-D-O-N-A-L-D-apostrophe-S.

Call me crazy. Call me paranoid. Call me whatever you want. Just don't call me after 12am. But I think they've put something in those soda (100% caffeine dose) that is causing millions of unsuspecting fast food junkies (uh, like me) to order supersize drinks (I was intrusively tempted to order Large size instead of a small size coke) caused my stomach to bloat, tooth decay, fart and burp repeatedly. What exactly is in that syrup and carbonated water concoction? It certainly can't be something that comes from the Coca-Cola factories. That would be too obvious. I think that there's a conspiracy a kilometre between every McDonald's to target me. That's right. Just me.

So it is with this information that I am doing what many a ignorant individual is doing in Klang Valley right now. I am going to sue McDonald's. And if the makamah don't buy the Coke theory? In that case I'll be forced protest by driving with a full cup of McDonald's hot coffee placed perilously between my thighs. hmmf!

Cancer in My Life

No, I don't have cancer, not that this is a new topic for anyone, but I just wanted to reiterate my thoughts on this subject. My granduncle died of throat cancer, my paternal grandmother died of breast cancer, my maternal grandmother died of cervical cancer and this week we found out that my paternal grandfather has a mass in his right lung that looks like lung cancer. I'm quite upset here! Why do people die due to this fatal decease?

Why can't we find a cure for this disease? I know it's not a lack of money for research cause everyone wants a cure for cancer. Why is it allowed to repeatedly take people from our lives? I was talking to my grandfather last evening and told him that we were going to beat this because he has to be around for all of us.

I realize I'm lucky to still have my grandfather is in his mid 80's and have always been in perfect health ... until now. He is the grandfather that gave me good food and pastry whenever I go back to my kampong in Fraser's Hill. The one who is an expert chef. The one who goes to town with his friends to have his morning tea every day. When I was young he was the one who came up to me and gives me pocket money. He will have lots of years ahead of him ... we just have to beat this obstacle that has been thrown in the way. Sigh...

Feeling Shittily Tired Today

My eyes burn and they sunk so deep in my head that i can barely see. Im a danger to everything as of right now becuase im not functioning properly. Someone please get me out of this office chair and into a better bed so that i can get some shut eyes.

I've reached the end of my stick and now im at the breaking point. This is one of the lowest times. Sure i can smile and yes i can laugh in front of people, but the cuts and there are bruises inside me. Sometimes I'm filled with sadness and consumed by my workload and all that is good might be around the corner but im just too tired to go look already. My eyes are so dry now and burnt that i cant see anything exhaustion and pain coming my way.

Im just so tired. Im tired of the earning and im tired of the challenges out there. I just want to feel like for one day i can not have the overbearing feeling that i have to impress myself and push myself to the limit that my body can possibly do. There is no superpowers in me, and im really not that special.

Im going to go look into the mirror, and perhaps break the first face that i see.........

F1 Drivers in Malaysia

The world has many forms of communication. There is the written form that I am practising right now. There is also the spoken form, which for some people can be quite colourful. Not to be left out is communication through the use of hand gestures which is extremely popular amongst users on the road.

The car and its effect on the common sensibility of humans is my topic for today. I don't quite understand what happens to the sanity of people once they slip behind the wheel, but evidence would seem to indicate that they leave it at home or at work. Once the car engines starts the KL roads are never the same.

At home most people are thoughtful, rational beings with the utmost consideration for their fellow beings. Once behind the wheel and on the open road, these same folks turn into rampaging elephants with less concern for their fellow drivers.

What is it about cars and humans that don't mix? Is it the lack of space inside the car? Are the carbon monoxide fumes too thick? Is the deco hanging from the rear view mirror getting in the drivers' eyes?

If only the answers were that simple. It's actually a cause and effect scenario that is at the root of the problem. The amateur Michael Schumachers of the world cause accidents, with the effect being a sharp increase in four-letter words, upturned middle fingers and just about everyone's blood pressure.

People drive too fast and too close to each other, and for what? To get to the next red light ten seconds earlier than the other guy? Nobody ever got sprayed with champagne for being first to an intersection.

I think a little perspective is in order. The driving public needs to slow down a little, take a look around and show some courtesy on the road. It's better than being dead. After all, funeral convoys aren't known for setting speed records.

Zouk Fest Genting Highland 2005

It began with me washing my car and send for servicing to prepare for the short and yet challenging journey ahead. I had to test out my car since it’s a virgin car I have not taken it up there before.

Cleaned and Serviced

We stopped at the ever famous Gotong Jaya for lunch. Like always we are very aware of the food we order there. You will never know 3 plates of noodles will cost you RM50. When the waitress came and took our orders, she recommended us a few dishes which sounded pricey so we decided to order what normal people will eat “KangKong, Yee Mee and Fried Mushroom.

The Food Ordered

We reached Theme Park Hotel about 1:30pm but no parking in sight. We had to wait and finally we started trailing a couple all the way to their car. What really irks me is that, they knew we were waiting for them to come out but yet they were inside the car kissing and hugging each other. (free show) A friend of mine had to knock on their window to ask if they were coming out, which they immediately did. Wtf! Checked in and we unpacked our bags and goodies, watched a C grade documentary showing what happens when you die? (It has only one channel hence we were forced to watch it.) The screen was very fuzzy though. We lamed around in the room for an hour or so before we headed to First World to walk around and have food! Bought a few studs in Bum City cause I lose them easily.

After all that walking, talking and eating we went back to the room to get some shut eyes. Got up, shower and off we go to First World to have dinner. All of the F&Bs are fully packed and we end up in Hainan Kitchen, the only place we can smoke and have decent food. I ordered a “Yip Chee Mei Pau” , a “chung” , and a glass of hot lemon tea as per pictures. You won’t believe how much this small cup of tea cost. RM 5.00!

"Chung"

Yip Chee Mei Pau

What happen to Yip Chee Mei

Hot Lemon Tea RM5.00

And the party Began….
At about 11.00pm we adjourned to the site where all the activities are. The freezing wind was too much to bare as we walked out from Frist World. The line was long but luckily it was for the non-ticket holders. We were greeted with a massive sea of people. In the beginning, the music was ok. The DJs were playing house music and tribal break beats. Then came “DJ Haze and Gabriel” someone please kiss the deejays for me please! Later on “Future Shock” came in, never stop moving since.

The Party Begin

wah