Jokes after Jokes

A Prayer for Ladies

Holy mother full of grace,
Bless my boyfriends gorgeous face,
Bless his hair that tends to curl,
Keep him away from other girls,
Bless his arms that are so strong,
Put his hands where they belong,
Bless his dick the one I sucked,
Bless the bed in which we fucked,
And if my mom happend to walk in,
Bless the shit that I'll be in.

(P/S: I thought my poem was good but this is even better)


Candy Machine

A guy is taking a shower when he suddenly has the urge for some candy bars. He grabs some money and runs to the corner store stark naked. He grabs two candy bars, throws the money at the surprised clerk and runs back to his home. But before he can get there, he sees three nuns walking toward him. He braces his back against a brick wall with a candy bar in each hand.One of the nuns says, "Look, sisters, a candy machine!". She grabs the guy's chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick. The guy drops one of the candy bars and she picks it up. The next nun goes through the same procedure, and when she pulls his dick, he drops the other candy bar and she picks it up.The third nun grabs his chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick, but she doesn't get her candy. Frustrated, she pulls and pulls. Finally, she says, as she rubs her hands, "Look, sisters, Johnson's Hand Lotion!"

Christmas Party Went Wrong

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned,

"tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn.

"You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," John said.

"Piss on him."

"You did," his wife said,

"and he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

His wife replied, "I did. You're back at work on Monday."