AAArrrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Yesterday was the worst day of my life! For the past 4 months I've been buying 4 Ekor and I've been constantly buying my car number which is 1248. Usually 3Big 3Small on 3 sides (Kuda,Toto,Magnum). Could have won RM3,000 - RM5000. Just that yesterday I did not buy, how stupid of me. People say, recently married couples are very "Ong" and people around me started buying the numbers I buy. The only person that did not win yesterday was me. Bummer!

Jessica Lynch Tells The Truth

If you have read and followed the events of Iraq War you'd probably came across this news about the heroic Jessica Lynch an American Soldier who said to have fought bravely in gun battle when her convoy was ambush and all of her 11 comrades died. She was the only one who survived the ambush and was captured by insurgents. They even made a movie on it and I watched it on HBO, where Elite US Soldier were dispatched which lead to her dramatic rescue from enemy hands. I must say it was a great movie based on a true story, but is it so? I was fooled! and the truth was finally out. What a Joke on Americans, like to drama drama only.

CNN NEWS
POSTED: 6:54 p.m. EDT, April 24, 2007

Lynch's testimony began with a recollection of the March 23, 2003, attack and her purported rescue nine days later.

As she and her fellow 11 soldiers drove through Nassiriya, Iraq, they noticed armed men standing in the streets and on rooftops. Three soldiers were quickly killed when a rocket-propelled grenade slammed into their vehicle, Lynch said.

The other eight died in the ensuing fighting or from injuries suffered during the fighting, she said. Lynch later woke up at Saddam Hussein General Hospital.

"When I awoke, I did not know where I was. I could not move. I could not call for help. I could not fight," she said, explaining she had a six-inch gash in her head and numerous broken bones. "The nurses at the hospital tried to soothe me, and they even tried unsuccessfully at one point to return me to Americans."

On April 1, U.S. troops came for her.

"A soldier came into the room. He tore the American flag from his uniform, and he handed it to me in my hand and he told me, 'We're American soldiers, and we're here to take you home.' And I looked at him and I said, 'Yes, I'm an American soldier, too,' " she recalled.

She was distraught to come home and find herself billed as a hero when two of her fellow soldiers had fought bravely until the firefight's end and another had died after picking up soldiers and removing them from harm's way.

"The American people are capable of determining their own ideals for heroes, and they don't need to be told elaborate lies," she said. "I had the good fortune to come home and to tell the truth. Many soldiers, like Pat Tillman, did not have that opportunity.

"The truth of war is not always easy. The truth is always more heroic than the hype," she said.

Lynch became a celebrity after U.S. troops filmed what they said was a daring raid on the hospital. Hospital staffers, however, said there were no Iraqi troops at the hospital when the purported rescue took place.

In the March 23, 2003, attack, Lynch, the Army claimed, was shot and stabbed during a fierce gun battle with Iraqi troops that left 11 of her comrades dead. It was later learned that Lynch never fired a shot during the firefight because her gun was jammed with sand.

Crazy Menus

Egg Sand: Don't think I will order anything with sand in it. "Burn The Beef Sand", give me a break!!!
"Curry Rock Hind Rice" WTF is that? "The curry chicken picks the rice" I don't want no chicken picking on my rice.
"Fuck to fry the cow river" OMG the person preparing this dish have to fuck first, then fry the cow of river. "The Pig Picks the noodle soup" What? now i have to let a pig pick a noodle soup for me? "Frog Gruel" Now thats something. "Fuck to burn of" I usually do this with my wife when I feel I need to lose some calories.
I ain't gonna taste "Butter Many Privates" and they are even serving French dicks on "France many Privates"

40 mistakes men make while having sex with women

Keep in Mind that I did not write this, I got it of from a website.


1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Mid Life

Never knew 30 candles can be quite a scary sight especially when they’re all lighted up. Hard to believe half of your life just passes by at a blink of an eye.

Ok ok I admit I'm no longer 18. They said life begins at 30? It this true, well I guess the only way to find out lies ahead. Anyway I had a wonderful birthday dinner at Zen Japanese Restaurant which my wife paid for. So? gasak la whatever that was on the menu. Right after that went to the nearest watering hole, Flams for a quick gulp of beer!

Growing old is a breeze. Growing up is exhausting.

53 Days in Counting......

When I imagined planning my wedding I envisioned a year to plan and I knew exactly what I wanted. Now I am less than 2 months away from our confirmed date and I am starting to panic.

I think one of problems is when I take one of those How's your wedding plans? questions, I get more nervous. We have been searching for furnitures for the past week and just few days back we have finally decided on one bedroom set which cost me 5k. Bummer!

My bedroom toilet is beginning to look like a toilet after much renovation is done to changed the cum stained tiles and fittings that shoot water like pee, due to wear and tear. In my room, threw away all my old furniture's and repainted the wall to cover up those childhood grafities. Ummmm "1+1 = 11" and those you can find in public toilets "Call 016-609 0000 for big dick"

Got the invitation card done, now to blacklist the names which I'm going to collect saman from. Maybe I'll help them write their names on the envelope so that when they packed the saman in I would know who they are.

Camera & Video man set ... if you see them walking around in slippers T-shirt & torn jeans, that's them. I got them very cheap!

List of things I've yet to complete

• 1 Whole Mother load Pig - Slathered and Roasted
• 1 tonne truck of XOs & Swings and for those yuppies, Black Label
• OMG...... I forgot about the jewelry set for my wife! Maybe I will attempt to forget it longer, :P
  
• Chain Saw & Steel cutter, I'll bring along a locksmith.
  
• Rob the bank but before that I wonder if they have loans for marriages. Maybe like 35 years payback with no collateral damages.

More marriage updates in a week time.

Happy Birthday

Dear Blog,

IT'S My Birthday Today so Happy Happy Birthday!

It's officially, ...... go shorty it's my birday, everyone's gonna parte like it's my birday...... So here's wishing me (although I already did) a happy birthday! Finally "18", can start drinking, smoking, getting high, watching porno movies and be de-virginize!

Congrats!

View on Marriage

Many people said all that is needed is marriage but some do not agree which many have advised me not to. This came after I proposed, hahaha, anyway what is done is done and I love my wife. Anyhow this is not what this post is about. This is about the community who is against marrying. I have a cousin that told me marriage is lame. I have close friends that told me weddings are a waste of time and money. And somewhat strangers said this to me, in view of the soaring divorce rate their personal advice is to adopt a pet! Last but not the least, I have heard advise that if you have just gotten married, don't have children. A Singaporean once told me the apple of your eye is a pain in my neck so make the world a quieter, cleaner place. (I swear I almost burst out laughing)

Ok, what do you think people? Are all this people is in their right mind and having negative thoughts about marriage?

The Encounters: About Me, Why?

When I was an Café Flam last night I had a few encounter with some of my blog readers. There are things I didn’t knew about myself but was exposed by them.

DJ Chinois said I was placid and a little to the gentle side. He said Aries’ traits are supposed to be the impulsor and the aggressor. I wonder if he meant, “you are suppose to be Hainanese!” But to think aside, sometimes I can also be impatient and outspoken. I am eager and can seem pushy and my assertiveness can easily transform into an aggression. Maybe I did not reflect that on my blog, should I? (By the way thanks for all that "Edmund, Your Wife is waiting for you outside!" "Edmund, Where is your wife?!" announcements. Chin you could just bury me in sand last night)

Sharon_UEP (that’s her nick) said I could write personal stuff that expresses feelings. So I said that’s what blogs are for but I asked in what sense. She said about relationship with my wife and how I not afraid to write them. Why should I be afraid? Or ashamed? Duh! She also mentioned about the Gross stuff I wrote. So I asked isn’t it fun to read, she said “Yea” “Right”

Another dude asked me "Why does it always have to be about you?" whenever someone else expresses any wish for self-gratification. Here's a question: Why can't it always be about me? I get annoyed when people ask questions like that.

Consider this, an average human lives for 70+ years. The Earth has existed for 4,600,000,000 years (wikipedia.org). Now think about this, by a generous estimate, 100 people know an average person "first degree"(Friend/family) and 500 people know him "second degree" (Friend of a friend/Acquaintance). The world population is estimated at 6,380,342,166. (wikipedia.org)

Compared to the Earth's "lifetime", you are worth less than 9 billionth of a %. Taking 500 acquaintances, less than 800 millionth of a % of the world population will give half a flying fuck if you died. All these figures point to one fact: Nobody cares. You're worth nothing at all. Isn't anonymity a bitch?

So you see, there're only two sensible ways to live. Either get really famous or enjoy as much as you can. Let's face it, unless you killed 6.6 million people or helped 6.6 million people, you're very unlikely to be famous for long. Even people who are famous in their time seldom last beyond that. Anyone remember the 2nd Sultan of Selangor? I don't either.

That leaves one option, live for yourself. In case you're wondering, yes, I'm advocating greed and self-centred-ness. Since you don't count for much in the world, the stuff you do won't count for much too. So why not just do whatever benefits you the most?

The person who matters most in anyone's life should be himself. My car, my money, my happiness, my future. It has always been about me for every human being, dumbass. Simple as that. Quit whining about how society has become so cold or selfish or uncaring etc. I call bullshit on anyone who does, because society is just becoming more frank, NOT less caring.

A Quick Blog Summary

I have been writing in my blog for the past 3 years, so I would like to recap what I have ranted all into this post.

At the age of 30 I must say I've seen enough assholes around. They are indeed popular, the more outrageous the better I guess? What else, oh ya in the past I have people telling me fate lead me to certain decisions, well... fate hates me. I also found out that hard work is not a requirement in studies! Have you ever heard about "There is no short cut in life". This saying is bullshit.

Other facts of Life I learned.
1) Only kill yourself on rainy days, cleaners have an easier time.
2) Animal abusers deserve to be gang-raped.
3) Being a pro at CS, WOW, DOTA or whatever doesn't earn you respect, making money from it does.
4) Its better to be honest and poor than dishonest and poor.
5) Morals are subjective, apply when useful.
6) Do not bitch for or against pre-marital sex, its really none of your business.
7) Nothing is a "right" in every single place on Earth. If you feel you should dictate your life cos only your morals and beliefs are right, that's your own opinion, so keep it to yourself.

Yes!

I've finally brainwashed my wife into doing PC Games with me. Right now she is hooked to one particular game, which she 'thinks' she can manage. It's a dude game but I was impress she can handle "Titan Quest & Immortal Throne". Well one side effect is I don't get to use my computer as often as before and I have to drink health potion for her when there is a level Boss.

I'm level 22 Muahahaha......

Down and Out

It's a real bitch to fall ill on the weekends even though I have to work. Just when you are all hype-up a day ago, you wake up in the morning with a spinning head and stomach discomfort. I'm like WTF? On Saturday? When there is so much to do? And I can't even spend my nerdy little day online since it makes the world spin more.

I managed to get my ass off bed and go to work, at about mid afternoon my brain was making 360 spins. It was unbearable. I was making frequent trips to the toilet shitting and vomiting all together. Cold sweat starting to form on my face and I turned pale. I suspected food poisoning. My wife drove me home and took good care of me.

For the whole weekend I lay sprawled on my bed like a dead rat, mouth foaming. There goes my beautiful weekend.

Rapist Search

I FOUND HIM!!