Risk Takers!

I am now very well aware that we all have a choice. It is the choice between really living, or merely existing. There is always a reason to exist in this world but they are full of risks. Getting a job is a risk. Got a job is also a risk. Working there is a risk. Crossing the road is a risk. Starting a business, a relationship or a family is a risk. Eating in a restaurant is a risk. Going out with friends is a risk. Surfing the internet is a risk, downloading Mp3s and porn is a risk. Keeping secrets is a risk. Everything is a risk. Ah yes, Sex is a risk. Life is a risk. So... what the hell that is not a risk? If you are a risk taker, you should know better that besides taking the risk blindly you should also work harder to transform Risk into a Chance.

When I Was Young...

I look cute like this.... oh and that's my pretty mum next to me. Gooo gooo Gaaa Gaaa... I need fresh milk supply.

I Got Itchy Balls

Man, I've got a major problem! My balls is ithcing like mad!! I've done everything from squeezing, pinching, scratching, punching and slapping them!!

Balik Kampung.... Oooo..... Balik Kampung

Just got back from a trip to Fraser's Hill over the weekends. I know. Call me insane for rushing off to a mountain half-way through a normal weekend, but honestly! I really wanted to rest my head as well as to date with my gf. I dragged her along, (really dragging, pulling her hair after i clubbed her), nah kidding I just wanted her to see where I was from, told her that i grew up on trees, eat and smell like a wild boar, and where my wild self originated...I told her about the horny monkeys... they are my brothers.

And I did have a good rest there. We stayed in Silver Park Apartments. It's a nice place with a goodview of a opposite tenant's toilet. Another good view is from our bathroom window, it's a good view coz it's missing the window. I guessed it has already rotten away. Well, i took my shower intuned with nature.

Ate our food at my aunts restaurant. Her cooking's just superb & warm hospitality! "Auntie I love you!!" (She doesn't charge me for the meals i took there, tsk tsk.) "I love you auntie! You're the best!"

Waterfall, what's so special about that place? I make better waterfall when i take a pist in the toilet. Let me explain why it's special on that particular morning, my gf was with me. The cool breeze, the smell of nature and "Pooot!" I farted, without her noticing it. Sorry dear, that wasn't from the rubbish bin.

To my late Granpa's bungalow. His farm grows almost all kinds of "own" fetillized vegetables, like cabbage, radish, gourds, beans, yams and even raspberry bushes. He used to rear chickens too but stopped. I really missed those days when i help my Granpa chop off chicken neck when it was still alive, then the blood squeezed into a bowl for steaming later. There's a lot of greenery like tall conifers, small stout Christmas trees and a whole lot of flowers. Of all the mountains (Cameron and Genting besides), I like Fraser's Hill the best, it's still quite pristine and green, and definitely the least developed of the three.

It was a good rest for me...

More Jokes

A Guy and girl meet at the bar and are instantly attracted to each other. They Party all night, and at the end decide to go back to his place to continue. Once there, they get passionate and start to make out. When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed and gets under the covers, waiting for the guy who is now coming out of the bathroom.

The guy walks in starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on. He reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out a magic marker and hands it to her.

She takes one look at it an says, "What's this for? Are you some kinda pervert?"

He looks at her, drops his shorts and smiles kinda sexy.

She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief at his johnson which hangs more that halfway to his knees.

He breaks her spell by saying, "Your gonna have to draw a line somewhere, baby."

Update: The Return

So I am the worst blogger ever. I know. I should blog more. I just never sit down and actually compose anything and when I do, 2 times out of 7 i dont hit "post" button cause of some strange odd reason. I used to post from everything i write but I have a bitchload of half written post that I just lose interest in, well sort of like a half done masterpiece. I'm like "eh, who cares about why I'm afraid of roaches" eeekkk!! Even though crocroaches (is this how you spell it?) are some scary motherfuckers! They can't die, even if you break it's head off.

Anyway.

I've watched Da Vinci Code in the "Cinema" (notice how i emphasize). Awesome movie! I like it.

Ummm yah I had a lovely karaoke session last night. Notice i mentioned lovely. I had to sing some mandarin songs which i sounded horrible in. Well at least i can tell from peoples faces that they are pretending they are enjoying it. I can give you an example, i sounded like this:-

.....a....oo.....eee.....la....... FOREVER LOVE FOREVER LOVE..........ni.......wor.......hai....... FOREVER LOVE FOREVER LOVE..........tu.......lei.........

See this is what people had to go through last night, during that period of 3 hours they are incarcerated by my vocal capabilities.

This is the point where i stop and think whether i should post this on my blog. I wrote that line 30 minutes ago and then got up walked around my office, made Milo and when I came back I lost all interest in the topic I started. Thats TERRIBLE. Okay let me continue, this time I was watching some DVDs i bought days back. Yeah i watch cartoons, what?!? The show is kicking ASS. "I belief I can fly................" depicted from Ice Age 2 or "I'm V for Vandetta".

This is yet another point i ran of ideas. I need focus. FOCUS damnit. Okay I'll try again later. Maybe I'll be able to think properly after lunch.

Im such a slacker!

Lately I have been living such a exciting life, I haven't had time to blog... From all night orgies, binges on drugs (panadol active fast for headaches) and living in a pool with bubbly yellow gassy water. What would you expect of EdMaestro the man?? Now, if you believe all that, I got something to throw at you!

Leading such a life in Subang Jaya, away from the beloved action of KL, doesn't provide very much exciting blog entry material...hahaha... Hence why I haven't made an entry lately, I know all of you, my loyal readers, DON'T want to hear about some new renoma undies I bought, the free condom i got which i blew it into a huge balloon and flew it to the dance floor, RIGHT? You want the exciting material that EdMaestro is known for, correct?

Anyhow sorry for the boring life of lately but that's all I got currently! Now, as per edmaestro.blogspot.com, You might have noticed I now have "Vote if Blog is HOT or NOT". Yeah, that voting thing below the MTV. I'm targeting to launch this blog out to the cyberworld where every corner of the world may be able to find my blog. Currently it's only mouth to mouth and from the readers I knew. In the meantime, keep this site as your bookmark.

Adios baby!

Reader: "Blogger going Insane here!"

It seems that I was told I haven't been amusing in my last few entries. "You're blog hasn't been that funny lately. "Oh Really? Or is it sexy the word you're looking for?" I didn't know I was supposed to be AMUSING with my blog. I didn't know I was supposed to be entertaining you muthafuckas (HAHA chill I was just testing on my Afrikan accent, more umph!). What could I talk about that's amusing?

For new readers, the people don't really care what I write, they just want sick-sick stuff and they come back for more. People like the insane me! Crazy and insane stuff like for example: I'm going to pop a few pills before I post from now on. Or maybe drink. YES. I should drink! 5 Royal Stout before I start posting. Yeah, so I'm not gonna do that, now that I think about it. So how could I blog it up? I could curse my life. Thats always fun. Damn life! maybe add fudgeup life. I have reasons for not being funny sometimes. I'm such a bitch!. I don't even know what I'm talking about now!!??

Now that's drama! how was my script?! ......... this is what and why people like to visit my blog!!

Pray Pray

Last night went to the Buddisht Association Hall in USJ for prayers. It's the most I can do for once every year to pay my respect to his teachings. I always remind my self that I must always give respect to others religion, I don't like people comparing their religion between each others like "My god are more powerful than yours", or "Your god is the bad one." I think this is very stupid, and childish. But overall, respect between each others is the most important thing of all; this can avoid separation between each others. Well, that's why I'm always modest, humble and kind to other people so.............."HAPPY WE SUCK DAY 2006"

Bla Bla Bla

It's going to be busy today so i'm going to cut it short!

1. Happy? Check.
2. A beautiful day? Check.
3. Feeling Old, Cute & Sexy? CHECK, CHECK and DOUBLE CHECK.

Anyway here's something for a sniggle.

Jokes!

A man wearing a ski-mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fucking head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door. "Take one of the bottles and drink it!" "But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously. "Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She pries off the cap and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski-mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband....... "Not that fucking difficult is it?" he says.

Update: Personal

I had an urge to express myself today. Here’s that urge realized. I have a feeling in my chest that I do not know how to describe. It’s not fear, its not anger, its not frustration or depression. It’s like a joy and peace that I’m not familiar with. It’s like…just there. I feel as if I’m a different person than I was just few months ago. As if I’ve grown. I have leveled up, ascended if you will. Not to a plateau above other people just above who I was.

I’m a new me!! I’m told this is what you call enlightenment. I don’t know what to do with it. My mind keeps just trying to re-examine what I know to be fact. It’s trying to make things go back to the way it was but it can’t its like forever altered. But in the midst of my happiness I have fear. I have fear that this peace that I have just found will not last. I’m a little nervous about the events that occurred when I let go of the old and start a new. Things just went all, wow-y suddenly! I want it to stay like that but I don’t know how to make that occur. But I will certainly do my best that's just part of me.

I have this feeling of, ‘Ahhh.’, but, but...I don’t know. I hope I can keep the peace, because I think the clarity has started to surface. Or I’m growing use to it. No matter how great a thing is, it is up to you to keep its initial joy for a long period of time. I'm ready!

Bloopers

I can't sleep and it's like 2:30am. Maybe I'll do something silly.
What do you think?
1) A Prisoner of Iraq?
2) Batman The End?
3) A Saddistic Cult?
4) Condom cap ready for head?
5) Nothing else better to do!

Over The Weekend

Am i dying? Cause I'm sure am tired today!!!

Apologise for not posting much I was trying to recuperate my body or should i say trying to get my form back! Well the weekend was all hell break lose and I'm not figuratively speaking of this. Here's the story.

Woke up late from the previous onslaught nite yet I was thinking about what's going to happen to me tonight? Let me asked you have you ever had a Full lunch, a Full exercise and then Hellish clubbing? All i can say is don't do this without knowing the consequenses.

Anyway a local club in Sunway was having their 3rd Anniversary Celebration and for the 3rd consecutive year I was invited to the private party. Food was good and drinks was "exceptionally" good! Notice i quoted that, it was a free flow night and it's safe to say that some people can really drink "freely". You know what i mean? All in all that there was so much fun in the air that i couldn't careless about image and reputation, screw that! I just wanna to let go my mind and let the music feel my soul! Free cigarz, yea babe! But soon found out that it's meant for praying (tasted like josstick).

When the partying was at it's peak, people started going crazy, I've been to gay clubs but I don't notice gays touching my dick, kissing me or even fondling my ass in public?! I'm talking about my non-gay friends while they enjoyed "cock banging/tapping/squeezing" me here and there, my ballz are getting mutilated by the constant harassment and I started to feel that it's about time I get out of there. I swore my nuts is one size bigger than the other now.

There was a swarm of people showing up at our table and the vibe was just too great to handle, and I swore I will never be able see this again, a friend ROBIN CHAN dancing on the podium! Well that was a moment to remember by. The place was blowing up. Place was packed and people were going crazy. I left earlier than the rest cause my legs are giving out on me. Reason being never exercise before partying, just too tired to continue. Agree?

I Rove Jabanese!

I figured I needed to blog more about stuff going on with me. Yeah, so I met a Japanese friend Akeshi and he's from Nagoya, Japan. He was here for holidays and friends started bringing him around town. Yesterday was his last nite here and I had the honour to entertain him. Oh ladies before i forget, he's cute. BUT he has serious problems with his armpit bushy "FattChoy". It needs major trimming!

It was fun stuff last nite, we were at steamboat at Tmn Ulek he said "Malaysiao iso niceo place-o" but i told him he hasn't seen the fun stuff yet. So I managed to convinced him to follow me last night accompanied by his tourguide Mr. Juan a Nice fella.

I took him to a local club and I heard over dinner that he "was" a good drinker. So yeah Akeshi was cool for like about an hour or so. I learned some stuff about Japanese just by talking with him.

For a start he doesn't smoke but does Cigarz, so i got him a pretty good one. He shook my hand with delight & gave me a hug and said you are "you goodo guy-o and I'm happy-do." I swear he said that. He was sucking at it all by himself and it took him 15mins to finish that monster cigar what suprises me was he turn to me and said "I need another one, how much?"

Secondly, I also watched him dance when he was about there, high. How do i describe it? Umm more like Drunken Kung Foo dance.

What else? Oh he likes going to the toilet every 15 minutes. I guess he doesn't have big Pundi like us Malaysians.

I got the DJ to say "A big shout out to Akeshi all the way from Japan, welcome down." He was shocked to hear that and he told me he's famous.

Last but not the least he beliefs everything you say. For instance, i said there will be strip dance later. His eyes went wide open and mouth gaping. But in the end I had to tell him the truth, that he needs to pay for that.

Overall the nite was fun, he got to know a couple of my friends. There were a few girls which i introduced him to and you know what really amazes me? I've seen them around here and there but i didn't know that they could 'speakido japanesedo'. I guess they have worked in Sushi King before. Well at least they are trying to entertain Akeshi with their dances. I overheard some of them introduce different name, like Ayumi for instance or something Ichiban?

So yah, that was a good nite. He gave me a hug and later on got a sms thanking me for the nite. He went home happy and I went home dead tired cause that nite i went to the gym. I'm 74kg now been eating and eating everywhere i go, side effect. Need to lose this weight of mine.

Cool T-Shirt

I should get this Tee or make one myself. Thanks for the contribution.

Good Lovely Days & Bad Fucking Days

Somedays are good days and somedays are bad. Somedays are days you're not sure what they will be.

One of those bad days. A day in the middle of morning (around 8:30am to 9:30) and swinging between awakeness and sleepiness. This morning I woke up to the sounds of loud Vrooom!! and Vrooom!!. Fucking assholes neighbour with his Nissan Skyline, warming up his car by raving his pedals. It was behind my house and woke me up out of a dead sleep and an erotic dream. I think he should pick weekdays to drive his monther's Kanchil instead and wait till the weekends to Vrooom all he wants. I need my sleep cause I'm not as fit as before, aging problem. The Vrooom sound still in my head, be more considerate you 'Initial D' fucks!

Oh yeah, now the good part of my day. Basically it stems from last night. I went out last night as I have been for the past few weeks. Last nite went over to Kajang for Satay but it was fucking raining all night long so skipped that. I ate and ate last night, wait let me recall. A mix grill platter with Chicken, Lamb & Beef steak, Wantan Soup, fish cakes and last but not least had a dozen of roast chicken wings. Enjoyment and pleasure till my stomach can't take no more! Well maybe it's not a good idea to skip Fitness First yesterday cause i really felt bloated this morning, to make matters worst i ate nasi lemak this morning. Morning business in my office toilet was worst than Hiroshima Bomb. I told my staff not to go into the toilet if they care dearly for their lifes. I'll have to go Kajang again soon, and this time I will have to do something about my eating disorder, so what do they call people who can't stop eating? Gluttophobic? Yes, I'm fucking trying to regain my own personal life. Funny how that is!!

Jokes after Jokes

A Prayer for Ladies

Holy mother full of grace,
Bless my boyfriends gorgeous face,
Bless his hair that tends to curl,
Keep him away from other girls,
Bless his arms that are so strong,
Put his hands where they belong,
Bless his dick the one I sucked,
Bless the bed in which we fucked,
And if my mom happend to walk in,
Bless the shit that I'll be in.

(P/S: I thought my poem was good but this is even better)


Candy Machine

A guy is taking a shower when he suddenly has the urge for some candy bars. He grabs some money and runs to the corner store stark naked. He grabs two candy bars, throws the money at the surprised clerk and runs back to his home. But before he can get there, he sees three nuns walking toward him. He braces his back against a brick wall with a candy bar in each hand.One of the nuns says, "Look, sisters, a candy machine!". She grabs the guy's chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick. The guy drops one of the candy bars and she picks it up. The next nun goes through the same procedure, and when she pulls his dick, he drops the other candy bar and she picks it up.The third nun grabs his chin, opens his mouth, inserts a quarter, closes his mouth, and pulls his dick, but she doesn't get her candy. Frustrated, she pulls and pulls. Finally, she says, as she rubs her hands, "Look, sisters, Johnson's Hand Lotion!"

Christmas Party Went Wrong

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned,

"tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn.

"You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," John said.

"Piss on him."

"You did," his wife said,

"and he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

His wife replied, "I did. You're back at work on Monday."

So Much To Do & So Little Time!

I'm super fucking busy today... I've got a million things to do and not much time to do it in! So I apologize for no having any updates this few days. Don't curse me, cause I've been sneezing whole day in the office.

Curse me not cause this is your mum at a computer store!