Jokes

I received this forward from a friend. You might want to read it if you want to have a good laugh. I did.

Subject: Q&A

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

The Green Hornet

I just got back from fitting on my nice set of suit. I must say, remember "The Green Hornet" series? I look just like that, well not like Bruce Lee but what he had on. Minus the glove, the hat and the mask. It will be good if i can have them all on.

Anyway, we got a surprised by Vogue Collection. They have requested permission to make another copy of our Wedding Album as sample reference for their customers. And I modestly obliged. Hoping that I will get paid for using our faces.

And In Return:-

Vogue Collection Wedding Galary
No. 76 Jalan SS2/24
47300 Petaling Jaya
Selangor Darul Ehsan
03-78779199
Mr. Daniel

10 Days

There won't be much updates for now. I'll be taking some time-off from here to prepare for my "Lou Chan" Day.Past few days, I've been busy with tonnes of planning from Catering, Bridal Fitting, Liquor Sourcing, Restaurant Layout & Planning and finalizing wedding guest list. It may not sound much but it's a lot of work belief me. I just recovered from a serious migraine yesterday. I'm not exactly proficient with all this planning it's my first time but I gotta start somewhere. I figured it would be good if I get myself familiar with all this and i could later be a wedding planner. Yea....

I need to make strategic planning for retrieving my bride on June 9th. I've made reconnaissance and identified 3 boobs blockades which my Hing Tai and I will need to take down. Although some of us will fall, they will be remembered but remember the objective - Protect Alpha Dawg!

EdMaestro Crappy Mini Poll Results 2

Oh well, as compared to my previous mini poll, I guess this Down-To-Earth Poll was boring for some of you. Anyhow here's how I voted, "NO", I don't feel that is necessary to spend tax payers money of 8Bil to increase the salary of civil servants and their other misc expenses. I felt that even with this increase the services will still be the same and corruption will still be there. It take years to nurture our young to become who they are when they grow up and this won't happened over night with this salary increment. I bet even with this increase, people will still be able to pay summons on the spot. :P

Do remember to vote for the new mini poll, trust me it won't be bored.

How Often Should One Have Sex?

Somebody hear me out, A bad sex life is massively psychologically damaging! You can see this in people who aren’t getting laid or are having bad sex…they seem perpetually bitter and negative. They can’t help it. As human beings, we’re training to need great sex just as much as we need food and water. Without it, we lose our mental well-being. It’s a feeling of total relaxation and contentment, of being completely at peace with the world. And, having lots of great sex will actually make you live longer. Medical science confirms this…according to this article, people who have more than 200 orgasms a year “can reduce their physiological age by six years”.

Question 10: According to Dr. Oz, how often should you have sex?
A) Once a week
B) Twice a week
C) 10 times a month
D) 200 times a year or more

The correct answer is D.

“If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years,” Dr. Oz says. He bases the number on a study done at Duke University that surveyed people on the amount and quality of sex they had. “They looked at what happened to folks that are having a lot of intercourse over time, and the fact is, it correlated.”

Among the benefits of having sex often, Dr. Oz says, is that it can prove that your body is functioning as it is supposed to. “But in addition, having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings,” he says. “It’s really a spiritual event for folks when they’re with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity … seems to offer some survival benefit.”

I got this Original article from Oprah.com .Yes, Oprah.com! Even Oprah agrees that people need great sex on a regular basis in order to stay happy and healthy. I hope my wife is reading this post. :P

New Mini Poll

People are just not voting on my new poll. Guess it's a boring question. Will changed it as soon it expires. Apologised for the boringness caused.

Starcraft II

It's coming It's coming!! Brings back memories, I remember during my Uni days in the States when Blizzard first announced the release of Starcraft 1 and I queued up for the pre-released of 500 copies of the game at BestBuy right before New Year of 97/98. If I missed it I would have to wait until Spring 1998. It was freezing at 8:30am and people are already queuing up. For USD 48.00 it's worth it as I've played the game on Battle.net right up till 2003.

StarCraft was the best-selling computer game in 1998 and won the Origins Award for Best Strategy Computer Game of that year. Nine million copies of StarCraft and its expansion pack, StarCraft: Brood War have been sold since its release. It is especially popular in South Korea, where professional players and teams participate in matches, earn sponsorships, and compete in televised matches. That was why Blizzard officially annnounced it's appearance of Starcraft 2 in South Korea on May 19, 2007.

As you may not know Blizzard Entertainment have won countless Awards for Best Game of The Year: World of Warcraft, Warcraft 1/2/3 Series, Diablo 1&2 and finally Starcraft 1. It's definitely worth buying Ori for this game.

Champions League final

RESULTS:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

EdMaestro Crappy Mini Poll Results

Yes the results are out after 3 months of voting. Here's how my readers voted and I take it they voted sincerely, honestly and without prejudice. In No. 1 Spot X-Ray Visson with 44% votes overall. Why would people want X-Ray vision? Tell me.... does Invisibility 2nd Spot have anything in common with X-Ray Vision?? What surprises me was people don't want to be rich and that goes for only 5% votes. Gosh, anyway a new Mini Poll will be up this late afternoon so keep voting, ummm for the sake of voting.

My Celebrities Gossip

I would like to share what I have read in some gossip mags that I came across but in my own writing. I couldn't remember when was the last time I gossipted in my blog but hey if I didn't, this will be my first post.

Paris Hilton, what can I say? She still doesn't admit that she was guilty for violating a probation order and driving with a suspended license. Usually when people are in wrong, we will have to stand up for the mistakes and admit it in court. She still insist that she doesn't deserve it. As a socialite, party princess who is blond known for her care-less attitude, and being such a dumb-founded women says she didn't know that it was a violation for driving with a suspended license and was told by her manager that it was "ok" without it. Hence she fired him right after attending court. The magazine also states that she was treated unfairly (yea right) and "the sentence is both cruel and unwanted" She is due in prison on June 5.

Celebrities never learn as u can see in this Paris Hilton Sex Footage Click Here

Gotcha!

Have you heard?? Spideyman Sony Pictures has announced that there will be 3 more movies. However, the directors has not confirm if they are coming back for the 4th installment and beyond. I wonder if Mary Jane will have eight babies like a spider would. If "Cicak Man" have 8 babies KL will be a much safer place to live in.




Booby Spears, she is making a come back (wakakakaka) after all that celebrity stunt she pulled on her self?! Let me summarize, Married + Babies + Career down drain + Spilt with KF + KF gets half her worth $$ + she is 50% poorer now. Yeap she is making a cum back alright.

The magazines says that she was performing "identical lip-synced routine" on stage as she has forgotten all her lyrics on her own songs. Perhaps too much cocaine use and long party nites with friend Paris Hilton. The House of Blue gave her 12 minutes to perform and she ended it by saying "Thank You Soooooooooooo Much"

Digi Ambassador Is Mine! Muahahaha

I just got my new number with Digi's Ambassador Plan a number one motivation for today whopeee! Unlike regular postpaid call plans, this one has the following extra benefits:

• no monthly fees (save RM 50- RM80)
  
• free calls, free sms, free voice, free mms and free nationwide to 016 Hurray!!!
  

So I get Premier plan rates to other telco numbers (that’s only 0.20 sen/min nationwide, 0.15sen/sms), free calls to 016 numbers and no monthly fees (savings of more than RM 100 every month). How good is that?

If you are thinking about going to a DiGi dealer to register an Ambassador call plan, they will probably tell you sorry no such plan here. They don't offer it at any Digi Centre or any Digi Dealers. If you have friends or relatives that are working in DiGi that’s the only way to get it but very limited. You will get it but after 6 months of shouting "where is my ambassador plan????".

I want to thank Ms. W. I. Yap of DiGi for allocating me into her Ambassador plan.

Masturbation Notice

I can't belief what I have read! See for yourself. LOL Please click to enlarge image.

WIFI Issues

Recently, one of friends told me that his Internet speed seems to be crawling. He's connecting to the Internet using wireless adapters and routers, ie, a home wireless network.

This is what I've found out from him.

1. His SSID was set to 'broadcast'. This means that any nearby wireless systems can pick up this WLAN easily.
2. There was no encryption. Not even WEP. (security protocal to block foreign users of ur wifi)

I can almost conclude that someone had been piggy-backing/stealing on his bandwidth downloading Porns LOL. I rectified by telling him to enable WPA encryption. (Job done. Speed is now back to normal.)

For wireless users, please take note of the following:

1. Since most access points or routers have an administrator password, use it. This is the login when u try to access your router. Don't use the default. Change it to something else, anything but the default.
2. Do not broadcast your SSID.
3. Use WPA encryption if possible. Note that not all hardwares support WPA. If yours don't, use WEP. It's better than none.
4. Use MAC filtering and limit network access to only your systems.
5. This is not the best solution, but limiting your network's transmitting power DO help.
6. Disable remote administration. I'm not sure about cable, but if you are a Streamyx user, you can limit login to only a single user at any time.
   

This is what I know but please refer to your respective hardware manuals for more information.

Ops Saman Kahwin I Part 2

You see what i mean?

What Is Left Of Me Part 3

Finally I've gotten everything done! Thank God! By the way thanks for all the comments and words of advise that I got from friends, my multiply and online buddies. The best thing I've heard was "It's only a once in a lifetime thing further more you are doing it for the one you really love and care, so hang in there!" There are just too many "Hang In There" encouragement makes me want to hang myself. I am really supprised to how many people read my blog, just this week I got 44 new I.P addresses and in total 122 hits per week. I am really thankful.

It's officially less than 30 days to the point where I can say goodbye to independence, nah just joking. Thankfully, I've got a wife that cares for me alot.

Ops Saman Kahwin I

I'll be passing out 'samans' today and for those who are blacklisted I'm coming for you! Please pick up my calls, reply my sms/msn and kindly let me know where and how I can pass you the saman. Please spare me the excuse that you are in Timbuktu. So far only one blacklisted said this to me when i called "Who are you?" (he seem to know the reason I was calling).

See you, Cheers!

Heroes Relay Part 2

Oh Yes, last night I've managed to download Episode 20 & 21 of Heroes. I'm going to watch it later, jangan jealous ya! In another 2 days US tv will show Episode 22. I hope I'm ahead of everybody, since Astro is only showing the 1st Season of Heroes. Kiasu la abit. Let me do a little spoiler here, Peter Petrelli and Mohinder Suresh did not die when Sylar tried to break their skull and eat their brains. There you go.

What is Left of Me Part 2

All this marriage thing is already taking a toll on me. I can't stand all this issues of what to do and what not to do and for a fact I'm paying for every single thing for this marriage. You can imagine as a person who comes out with all this money can't even say a damn thing about it. Yet, I'm instruct to do what is told even in my own house. All i know is that whatever that is on the guy side is up to us to decide and not to be decided by the ladies side. I'm spending thousands and thousands and I can't even voice a word on my side without being mad at. This pisses me off!! When I start to suggest something that is on my side of the family, I get bombarded by faces from hell. Nobody cares about what I want to say, so what is left of me now is just a shell. I really hope people will understand my predicament because I've been keeping quiet all this while, I just follow what people ask me to do and I've compromised. I belief I've lost my self in all this and I'm suffering from pre-marriage syndrome.

What Is Left Of Me

Aahh! Today was my giving "dowry" day. I've made it here and I'm still alive after months of hectic wedding preparations. Sigh… and I'm really tired physically and mentally. Been running around spending money like no nobodies business! I'm already feeling the pinch in my bank account. I can't even have the opportunity to breath cause one commitment comes after another. I cant find an appropriate word to describe how I'm feeling now. All those years of $avings I never thought cashflow was a hurdle now, being tied down with insurance, credit cards, installments and now heavy expenses on wedding album, furniture, wedding dinner, dowry, etc etc etc.

So, although I'm still surviving, I foresee my cash flow will only improve in say another 6 months time after I recoup from gigantic loss (I mean Cost) from my wedding/dowry (I didn’t know dowry can be sooo expensive these days).


BUT FOR ALL THOSE THINGS I DID IS FOR THE SAKE OF HONORING & JUSTIFYING MY LOVE. FOR WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST NOW IS "THE RETURN", MY WIFE. A LIFETIME COMPANION WHO SHARES THICK AND THIN WITH ME!

Self Consolation Product

As we all know handphones are not only a communication device but they are considered as a fashion accessories. I've been browsing some sites and I "accidentally" stumble across a site that sells Dildos. But one particular dildo caught my attention. This very handy handphone dildo. Never thought this kinda products can be in the market? (yea right) Guess who came out with this invention? Yeap the Japanese, to them it's called "feminino handseto self-consolationo" In short dildo.

Its best feature is that you may slot your handset onto the product, when you adjust the handset to "vibration" mode and to some handphones choose your favorite song and it'll vibrate as well. Aaaaa.... what a convenient masturbation device.

AC Milan vs Man Utd

RESULT

@#$%^&!!!!!!!!

Jusco Frenzy

There are so many stuff in the list that I need to buy before that big day comes. So just last week my wife and I have decided to go scout for those things. As we were looking at those Akemi Comforters Set for my new bedroom furniture, it was to my disbelief each King Size set cost around RM500 - RM700. As I was about to pay the sales assistant asked me for the discount coupon and J-Card, I told her i don't have either one. Then she said "too bad, if not you will be only paying RM150-RM200 for the comforters". That was the best spoken word I've heard all day. We just found out that Jusco was having their quarterly J-Card Member Privilege Day and it was the last day. Therefore I quickly went to apply for the card though the line was long. I will be stupid if I don't apply for one to enjoy such discounts and I end up buying 2 sets. Other things I bought was toilet fittings, bedroom furnitures, new clothings. I have saved about 70% of the initial budget which I was quite happy with.

Also bought my wife's Kor Lai Jewelry at Tomei & Poh Kong, I was happy that she did not go for the heavier ones, as she have told me that she help me save, what a great wife!. End up only spending RM1600 for the 4 piece set of 916 gold jewelry.

There are still many many things I need to buy, sigh......... more updates.