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Hush Playing Dead Finally!!
I’m already asking myself, I’m asking, hey, Ed, you know, will you write about anything other than your dog? Because I know that at some point, perhaps a point already past, people are going to start saying, hey, Ed, you know, they’ll say, I really don’t need to read another word about your damn dog. But the thing is, you see, the thing is, I just now taught him how to play dead like, she will now lay still on her side and not move, very still. Seriously. It’s like magic or something since she is a hypo crazy dog.
And for a while, for like three nights after I come home from work, I thought her more of the "Bang! You're dead" stunt and coax her to fall on her side and freeze. I was thinking, my dog will never ever going to learn how to freeze. She ran around me, stopped and look at me like, “You want me to do what?” and her big brown eyes are all, “You’ve never made me work for a treat before, dude. Why are you doing this to me?” And for three nights it was the hardest thing I ever did, making her work for a treat, because seriously, she is like the most hypo creature on the planet and I’d like to see you try to release her from her leash after a long day tied to it. So for three nights I was torn between giving in to a tired day at work and just handing her the damn treat and wondering, dude, is my dawg Hypocondriac? Does my dog ever understand what stay is? What dog doesn’t know how to stay? I mean, just lay down on your side and you get the treat, you know? How easy is that? Like this... I showed my dog. Bang! I fell to the groud with my legs and hand stretch to the sky. Ya know, my three-yr-old nephew knows how to sit and shake for crying out loud, and he’s not even potty trained.
And just now, just now, three evenings after torturing myself at work, to my suprised when I got home, pointed at her with my finger pistol and said bang!, she like, looked at me then looked down at her paw then looked back up at me, fell to the ground and I swear to God she said, “I’m only doing this because you’re being really pathetic, and I’m embarrassed for you.”
But, dude, she playing dead!
And for a while, for like three nights after I come home from work, I thought her more of the "Bang! You're dead" stunt and coax her to fall on her side and freeze. I was thinking, my dog will never ever going to learn how to freeze. She ran around me, stopped and look at me like, “You want me to do what?” and her big brown eyes are all, “You’ve never made me work for a treat before, dude. Why are you doing this to me?” And for three nights it was the hardest thing I ever did, making her work for a treat, because seriously, she is like the most hypo creature on the planet and I’d like to see you try to release her from her leash after a long day tied to it. So for three nights I was torn between giving in to a tired day at work and just handing her the damn treat and wondering, dude, is my dawg Hypocondriac? Does my dog ever understand what stay is? What dog doesn’t know how to stay? I mean, just lay down on your side and you get the treat, you know? How easy is that? Like this... I showed my dog. Bang! I fell to the groud with my legs and hand stretch to the sky. Ya know, my three-yr-old nephew knows how to sit and shake for crying out loud, and he’s not even potty trained.
And just now, just now, three evenings after torturing myself at work, to my suprised when I got home, pointed at her with my finger pistol and said bang!, she like, looked at me then looked down at her paw then looked back up at me, fell to the ground and I swear to God she said, “I’m only doing this because you’re being really pathetic, and I’m embarrassed for you.”
But, dude, she playing dead!
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